EP 118: A Mother’s Job Description

This week on The Loving Life at Home Podcast, we’re discussing 1 Thessalonians 5:14 as it applies to motherhood. Much of the material for this episode came from a blog post I originally wrote in 2013, which you can read by scrolling past today’s show notes.

A Mother’s Job Description

Full Transcript from Episode 118

Hello, friend.

Welcome to Episode 118 of Loving Life at Home. We are back from our Alaskan cruise and – even more importantly – I’ve mostly recovered from the souvenir illness I unintentionally brought back home with me.

Which is great, because we all really had to hit the pavement running once we got back. My daughter had an out-of-town volleyball tournament last weekend and will be competing in another tournament next weekend. We started back up to our homeschool c-op this morning, and my husband is taking the first of three nights of call this week.

So I’m doing my best to get back into the routine, including posting a new podcast episode.

Thankfully, I’ve gotten all sorts of help from my listeners and subscribers, and next week I’ll start addressing some more of the questions that have piled up in my inbox over the last few months. But for today, I’d like to talk to you a little about motherhood.

I came across 1 Thessalonians 5:14 in my Bible reading recently, and it dawned on me that – although this verse is something all believers should be doing – it provides a particularly apt job description for mothers. It reads:

Doesn’t that about sum it up? Aren’t these the very things that God calls and expects a mother to do each and every day? Let’s consider these commands one by one. First, we are to…

1. Admonish the unruly

Children of all ages can act a little headstrong and ill-behaved from time to time. When they do, a mother should stand ready to admonish them — not out of anger or irritation or exasperation, but out of love, always keeping her children’s best interest at heart. She must correct, counsel, and caution them against continuing in that vein. To do otherwise is to be guilty of negligence.

Besides, I’m sorry to tell you this, but ignoring misbehavior rarely makes it go away. In fact, children will often escalate the untoward actions or attitudes as a way of testing their limits. They want and need the parents to respond (not react). Otherwise, the kiddos will eventually lose control completely. So provide that kind of calm, loving guidance to them.

Communicate your expectations clearly, including what kind of consequences will result if your child willfully disobeys – then follow through and enforce those rules consistently.

A corollary to this would be not to make a bunch of rules you, as the parent, are unwilling to enforce. No “don’t make me say it again.” No “if you do that one more time…” No empty threats.

Just explain, then calmly follow through.

In our family, the rules were pretty simple:

• BE KIND: We don’t tolerate hatefulness or cruelty. No hitting, biting, or name calling.
• TELL THE TRUTH: We won’t abide deliberate lying or deceit.
• OBEY QUICKLY AND CHEERFULLY: It is my responsibility as a parent to make sure my kids hear and understand my instructions – that they are paying attention when I give them. It does no good for me to bark out orders if the kids are all out of earshot or are absorbed in a book or a boardgame, or some other engrossing project and not attending to my words.

But once I get their attention—once I have them stop what they’re doing, look me in the eye, and repeat back the instructions I’m giving – then it is their responsibility to do what I’ve asked (or to stop doing what I’ve told them to quit doing) without grumbling or complaining

Proverbs 29:15  tells us, “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.”

God’s Word translation reads, “… and undisciplined child disgraces his mother.”

And that is 100% true. Both those verses are just stating the facts. And one of the benefits of admonishing the unruly and of not growing weary in well doing and of consistently training up your children and teaching them God’s Word as you rise up, as you lie down, as you sit in your house, and as you walk along the way is that you will likely spare yourself such shame and disgrace.

But that should not be our prime motivator. Never discipline your children from a point of pride (“What will people think of me as a mother if you act this way?”) Your kids will know it and will understandably resent it if you are only concerned with making a good impression or maintaining a good reputation or keeping up appearances.

No, such pride has no place in parenting. We train up our children in the way they should go because (1) God commands it, and we ourselves want to be obedient to His instructions to us as parents, and (2) because we love our children and are infinitely more concerned with the state of their hearts before God than with what the neighbors might think of our kids or our parenting methods.

But, back to the verse in question: We are told first to admonish the unruly, and next to…

2. Encourage the fainthearted

Growing up is hard work, and children need a lot of motivation and morale-boosting. As a mother, we should be our child’s first and best cheerleader, offering a healthy balance of enthusiasm and empathy. 

We should view every day as a new opportunity to invest in our children’s inner lives and to inspire them to greatness. We should pray for our children (I have several Bible-based prayer guides for doing this through every age and stage that I will link in today’s show notes for those who might be interested), and we should pray for wisdom in raising our children, that God would show us the best and most appropriate way to encourage them, especially when they feel discouraged, down, or faint of heart.

God has promised to give wisdom generously to all who request it of Him, so don’t be shy about asking. Parents need all the godly wisdom they can get!

As for speaking words of encouragement, the Bible offers lots of guidance for doing that as well:

So… if you want to encourage your children, especially when they feel fainthearted, then learn to speak the truth in love with grace, gently and with respect, as a way to build up your child according to his needs – and if this seems like a tall order, don’t worry, because God will freely give you all the wisdom you need to accomplish the task, if only you will be faithful to ask Him for it.

In addition to admonishing the unruly and encouraging the fainthearted, we must also…

3. Help the weak

Hebrews 6:10 tells us, “God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.”

Of course, most women are nurturers by nature. Helping the weak is what we do. This is especially evident when it comes to mothering.

But we must be mindful to help in a way that doesn’t perpetuate weakness, but builds strength. Our goal is not to raise big children, but mature, responsible adults. We help our kids best when we teach them to help themselves and empower them to help others.

I well remember what it was like to be young and to need help, but I also remember the confidence and satisfaction I took in learning to do things all by myself. And I’m grateful to have had parents who cheered me on toward each new milestone.

So offer assistance as needed, but don’t baby your children by doing everything for them instead of teaching them to do things for themselves. Our goal should be to eventually work ourselves out of a job.

Part of helping the weak is providing an appropriate level of training so they don’t remain weak and helpless any longer than necessary.

One way parents can do this is by assigning children age-appropriate chores. I’m pretty sure I’ve done a podcast on this topic – I know for a fact I’ve written about it at length over on our family website and will link some of those resources in the show notes today – but study after study has pointed to children’s chores, both as a predictor of future success and as a confidence booster in the here-and-now (Learning how to do actual stuff and gaining real life skills is so much more effective at improving a child’s self-image than the deluge of empty flattery so many adults daily lavish on the children around them.)

So give your kids chores. Teach them skills. Once they learn to tie their own shoes or put on their coat or pack their lunch or ride a bike without training wheels – let them do it.

Incidentally, I have a good friend who taught all the toddlers in her charge a super-simple way to put on their jackets. She’d have them spread the coat on the floor with the hood at their feet then stick their hands through the arm holes and throw it over their heads as their arms went through the sleeves. She could have a room full of three- and four-year-olds suited up and ready to go outside in a matter of seconds.

Not only does learning life skills build confidence and lay a foundation for future success, but it also teaches your child a deeper appreciation for all the effort that goes into running a household.

Once your child learns to cook, she’ll be all the more grateful for the delicious, nutritious meals you prepare for the family. Once your teen processes a few loads of laundry, he’ll be more appreciative when you restock the bathroom with freshly washed, dried, and folded towels, because he’ll understand the effort required to make that happen.

I’m not saying you should never do something for your children that they are capable of doing for themselves. Division of labor requires us to all work together – though sometimes at different tasks – for things to run smoothly and efficiently. But just make sure that you are doing those chores as a way to bless your children and not because you are the only one who knows how to do them because you’ve never taken time to train your able-bodies kids to do such tasks themselves.

And fourth, after admonishing the unruly, encouraging the fainthearted, helping the weak, God reminds us to…

4. Be patient with everyone

Be patient. With everyone. Did you notice the exception clause? Neither did I. The Bible doesn’t say we should be patient with everyone except the toddler who’s pitching a fit on the floor of the grocery store. Or the teen who’s copping an attitude over finishing her homework or cleaning her room. Or the son who’s begging to play on the computer after you’ve already told him “no.”

Neither is impatience excused if we’re dog-tired or running late or stressed out or stuck in traffic or pushed to our limit.

No, our goal — even when admonishing the unruly (remember #1?) — is to maintain patience at all times, toward all people, in all circumstances. Period.

• Ephesians 4:2  makes this clear: “Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.”
• Proverbs 18:13 – “He who answers a matter before he hears it—this is folly and disgrace to him.” (A mother should be a patient listener, too)

I have a sweet friend – in fact, she and her husband were the couple our church assigned to do our premarital counseling when Doug first proposed to me over 40 years ago – but this friend kept a small sign, written in calligraphy and posted on her refrigerator that simply read, “Respond, don’t react.”

I should probably draw one of those up myself and offer it as a free printable on our family website, because we could all use that reminder from time to time, right?

Reaction is such a human tendency. Something irritates or annoys us and we spout off. Yet God calls us – and equips us – to do better than that.

• Colossians 3:8 spells it out succinctly: “But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.”
• Galatians 5:20 lists some of these same reactions – namely hatred, discord, and rage – as “acts of the flesh” and calls us to lay them aside.

That means if we react to our children’s misbehavior or trying attitudes with anger, rage, or malice, we are in sin. There is no other word for it. We may want to blame PMS or our lack of sleep or our frayed nerves or our never-ending-to-do-list or the fact we missed our morning cup of coffee, but the real culprit is our sinful flesh.

And when we choose words spewed forth with anger and malice over words spoken with grace and love, we need to repent and ask forgiveness, first from God and then from the person or people (including hapless children) to whom our malicious rage was directed.

That same chapter of Galatians goes on to set forth a better way – something higher and far more beautiful to which we should aspire. It reminds us, “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us walk in step with the Spirit.” (That’s Galatians 5:22-25, in case you’d like to reread it a few times, or maybe even commit it to memory.)

Admonish the unruly. Encourage the fainthearted. Help the weak. Be patient with everyone. It’s an apt description of the bulk of what we do as mothers.

While these four principles sound simple enough, it’s a challenge to live by them consistently, isn’t it? Yet the latter part of this passage provides a clue as to how we might do so. It bids us to “rejoice always, pray without ceasing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-17)

This, I believe, is the secret to success in parenting (or any other endeavor): Stay positive and stay on your knees. Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. That is key.

Thanks for listening today. I hope these verses will be an encouragement to you as you mother you children, whatever their current age. May God grant you wisdom and understanding and may He grow you in grace and patience as you dedicate yourself anew to the blessed task of training up the next generation.

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