25 Ways to Communicate Respect

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Actions speak louder than words. You can say you respect your husband, but he’ll have a hard time believing that unless your behavior backs it up.

What does respectful living look like? Here are 25 ways you can communicate respect to your spouse without uttering a word. If you’ll make it your habit to do these things, the next time you tell your husband how much you respect him, he won’t have to wonder if you really mean it.

  1. Choose Joy
    It’s true: A happy wife makes a happy life. Please don’t use moodiness as an attempt to manipulate your man, but in all things rejoice, because that’s the right thing to do. (1 Thessaonians 5:16; Philippians 4:4)
  2. Honor His Wishes
    Give weight to what your husband thinks is important. Make those things a priority that matter most to him, whether it’s having dinner ready when he gets home from work or keeping the house tidy or limiting computer time. Don’t make him ask twice. (Philippians 2:4)
  3. Give Him Your Undivided Attention
    Yes, I know that women are masters of multi-tasking, but when your husband is speaking to you, make a point to lay other tasks aside, look into his eyes, and listen to what he is saying with the goal of understanding and remembering his words.
  4. Don’t Interrupt
    Have you ever been around a person who won’t let you finish a sentence? That gets old fast. Even if you think you already know what your husband is going to say, allowing him to say it without cutting him off mid-sentence shows both respect and common courtesy.
  5. Emphasize His Good Points
    Sure, he has his faults (as do you), but dwelling on them will only make you (both) miserable. Choose instead to focus on those qualities in your husband that you most admire. (Philippians 4:8)
  6. Pray for Him
    Ruth Graham advises wives to “tell your mate the positive, and tell God the negative.” Take your concerns to God. Faithfully lift up your husband in prayer every day, and you will likely notice a transformation not only in him, but in yourself, as well. (Philipians 4:6-7; 1 Thessalonians 5:17)
  7. Don’t Nag
    Your husband is a grown man, so don’t treat him like a two-year-old. Leave room for God to work. You are not the Holy Spirit, so do not try to do His job.
  8. Be Thankful
    Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Don’t take your husband for granted. Be appreciative for everything he does for you, whether big or small. Always say thank you. (1 Thessalonians 5:18; Ephesians 5:20)
  9. Smile at Him
    Smiles spread happiness. Smiles have even been shown to create happiness. Smiles are contagious. And a smile makes any woman more beautiful.
  10. Respond Physically
    Did you know that the way you respond (or don’t respond) to your husband’s romantic overtures has a profound effect on his self-confidence? Don’t slap him away when he tries to hug you or make excuses when he’s in the mood. Your enthusiastic cooperation and reciprocation will not only assure him of your love, but will make him feel well-respected, too. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
  11. Eyes Only for Him
    Don’t compare your husband unfavorably to other men, real or imaginary. It is neither fair nor respectful and will only breed trouble and discontent. Avoid watching movies or reading books that might cause you to stumble in this area, as well. (Psalm 19:14; Proverbs 4:23)
  12. Kiss Him Goodbye
    I once read about a study done in Germany which found that men whose wives kissed them goodbye every morning were more successful than those who weren’t kissed. Success and respect often go hand-in-hand, so be sure to send him off right, and don’t forget to greet him with a kiss when he returns home, for good measure. (2 Corinthians 13:12)
  13. Prepare His Favorite Foods
    Although the rest of the family is not overly-fond of spaghetti, my husband loves it, so I try to make it at least two or three times a month as a way to honor him. Next time you’re planning meals, give special consideration to your husband’s preferences. (Proverbs 31:14-15)
  14. Cherish Togetherness
    I love to sit near my husband, whether at home or away. Our church shares potluck dinners every Sunday afternoon, and although the men and women normally sit separately to visit, I like to position myself close enough to my husband that I can listen to the conversation, as I think everything he says is so interesting. At home, I’ll take my book or handwork to whatever room in the house he’s working in, just to be close to him, because I enjoy his company, even when neither of us is talking.
  15. Don’t Complain
    Nobody wants to be around a whiner or complainer. It is grating on the nerves. Remember the serenity prayer: accept the things you can’t change, courageously change the things you can, seek wisdom to know the difference. (Philippians 2:14)
  16. Resist the Urge to Correct
    I know one wife whose spouse can’t tell a story without her stopping him fifteen times to correct inconsequential details: “It wasn’t Monday evening, it was Monday afternoon…. It wasn’t blue, it was turquoise…. He didn’t ride the bus, he took a shuttle.” Please. Please. Please. Don’t ever do that to your husband — or to anyone else, for that matter! (Proverbs 17:28)
  17. Dress to Please Him
    Take care of your appearance. Choose clothes your husband finds flattering, both in public and around the house.
  18. Keep the House Tidy
    To the best of your abilities, try to maintain a clean and orderly home. Seek to make it a haven of rest for your entire family. (Proverbs 31:27)
  19. Be Content
    Do not pressure your husband to keep up with the Jonses. Take satisfaction in the lifestyle he is able to provide for you. (1 Timothy 6:6-10; Hebrews 13:5)
  20. Take His Advice
    Do not dismiss his opinions lightly, especially when you’ve asked for his counsel in the first place. Make every effort to follow your husband’s advice.
  21. Admire Him
    Voiced compliments and heartfelt praise are always welcome, but you should also make it your habit to just look at your husband in a respectful, appreciative way. Think kind thoughts toward him. He’ll be able to see the admiration in your eyes. (Luke 6:45)
  22. Protect His Name
    Honor your husband in the way you speak of him to family and friends. Guard his reputation and do not let minor disagreements at home cause you to speak ill of him in public. Live in such a way that it will be obvious to others why your husband married you in the first place. (Proverbs 12:4; 22:1)
  23. Forgive His Shortcomings
    In the words of Ruth Bell Graham, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” Please do not hold grudges against your husband. Do not allow a root of bitterness or resentment find a home in your heart. Forgive your husband freely, as Christ has forgiven you. (Mark 11:25; Matthew 18:21-35)
  24. Don’t Argue
    You are not always right, and you do not always have to have the last word. Be the first to say, “I’m sorry.” Be willing to accept the blame. It takes two to argue, so “abandon a quarrel before it breaks out.” (Proverbs 17:14; 21:19; 25:24)
  25. Follow His Lead
    If you want your husband to lead, you must be willing to follow. Neither a body nor a family can function well with two heads. Learn to defer to your husband’s wishes and let final decisions rest with him. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

Proverbs 18:22 tells us, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Do these 25 things consistently, and your husband will never have trouble believing that fact.


25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband - Read the post. Sign up for the challenge. Order the book. 25 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife - Must reading for any man looking to improve his marriage.Did you like this post? Then you will love my book, 25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband — nearly 200 pages filled with Biblical wisdom and sensible suggestions for putting these principles into practice. And check out my husband’s companion book, as well: 25 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife. It’s based on his blog post by the same title.

And for those who’ve requested printable versions of these articles, you’ll find the list for wives here and the one for husbands here, with an option to print either article in its entirety or as a one-page summary.



1,073 thoughts on “25 Ways to Communicate Respect

  1. Sara

    When I got married, I was told that if you treat your husband like a king, he will treat you like a queen. The more you show him love and respect, he will return it to you. I was also told, marriage is not 50-50. Marriage is 100-100. You give 100% and don’t worry about him. He sees you give your all, and he’ll give it his all. You do your best. It comes back to you. I learned these lessons the hard way. But it works and works well. Also, I’ve learned to kept my mouth shut. Or I should say, keep quiet. Sometimes he says or does something dumb, like all men. And I give him time to breathe. Then he usually comes back and either says you’re right or sorry and I just smile. Why argue? Sure, I speak up with the super important things, let my opinion known. When he was decided whether or not to go into business with famly, I told him that I thought it was a bad idea (in nicer words) but that he should do what he feels is right. I gave it time, didn’t argue, and within six months… new job and not speaking with his brother anymore. To which then he came to me and said I was right. Then found a better job.
    Also, I found that when you leave your pre-conceived notions of men and women being equal, it helps. Men and women are not equal, they are completely different. One is not better, just different. Everyone has things they are good or bad at, and their partner is there to help.
    I live in a home without yelling and screaming. (Only about doing homework.) My husband and I show respect for eachother and the children know it. When the kids go to visit their friends, they are happy to live in a home like ours’.

    1. Brent

      Sara, you are a wise woman in my humble opinion. The angry women just don’t get it. I am a husband of 20 years. There are always exceptions to everything, and circumstances that don’t fit the mold of a general conversation such as this. But in general, if a husband feels loved and respected, he will do ANYTHING for his wife. We will worship the ground you walk on. Men and women are not the same. To the feminists, yes, of course, a male being and a female being are of equal value to the universe. The “equal” thing that women whine about however is based on selfishness. I don’t know a happily married man that doesn’t put his wife’s needs above his own. “Equal” and “fair” is for sports teams; but that mentality has no place in a marriage. BOTH spouses should be selfless in their thoughts of the other.

      We men are simple creatures. Most of us have very few, and very basic needs. They want to feel respected and desired by their wives. I truly think that if women stopped keeping points, and provided their husband with genuine love, desire, and respect…..they would look back in a few months and think, “wow, where has this amazing husband been”. Again, husbands will do anything for a wife that loves and respects them. If a woman’s husband doesn’t do everything he can to make her happy, you either A) Have a selfish husband that needs to be smacked, or B) You have not given him the love and respect that he needs. More often than not, it’s the latter. Men want to sacrifice themselves for their families. We often view our success as men with the happiness we can bring to our wife and children. Allow us to fulfill this for you. Respect us, desire us, and even romance us. Then you’ll get anything you want from us, and we will love every minute of serving you.

      To the women reading this, if you will take only one thing from what I have said, please take this: You know how they say if you’re selling a car, the cheapest and fastest way to increase it’s value is a new paint job? Here’s the paint job for your marriage….Desire your husband. Look up the word. Look up the meaning. Desire him mentally and physically/sexually. It will change your life. I promise it will. It can turn a selfish man into a giving man. It can completely re-engage a husband who has become emotionally distant. It’s the number one thing you can do for us….more important than any other single thing. In fact, if you do everything else perfect but lack the “desire” portion of your marriage, forget it. Men need it. Women reading this can send me hate-mail if they want, but I would encourage you to “not shoot the messenger”. I speak the truth.

      Wow, I sure went on a rampage….sorry. Again, Sara, great comments :}

  2. cee

    Well, your eldest truly does sound like a beautiful soul! I totally respect what she has accomplished and bet she is a joy to be around. Good job, mama! My youngest daughter has autism and it is extremely important to me that she understands (somehow, some way) that she is just as valuable and important as everyone else…man or woman. And, there are a few things that you mentioned in your list that I wholeheartedly agree with. Don’t interrupt people? Right on! That applies to everyone and is just common courtesy. Resist the urge to correct? Amen! My husband does that to me all the time and in all honesty, I’ve done it to him too. And what does that accomplish? I get to be right while I make someone I love feel bad about themselves? So. Not. Cool. There are things we should all do for each other as decent, loving human beings. Everyone deserves respect. I think that’s what The Golden Rule is all about. And, hey, that’s the perfect segue into why I have such a problem with #25. It implies that the man’s view is somehow more important and how can you be doing for others as you would have them do for you if one person is “better”? I just don’t get that at all. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to post my feelings instead of censoring me because you disagree with my views, Jennifer. I totally respect that.

    1. Sara

      I think that #25 really means that many times (not my father!) the husband likes to feel that he is the one with the final say. But that the wife is there to help him come to that conclusion. My husband’s grandmother used to tell me to make him “feel” like the final say was his idea. But I like tohink that I help him there without being sneaky about it. When my son’s school closed and we needed to find a new school for him, my husband wanted one school and of course I wanted a different school. Without arguing, without nagging, I just pointed out certain aspects of who we are as a couple and a family. I let him talk to people. And think about it. I did firmly say, “I believe this is the right school, but if you feel the other school is right, we will do it.” But with that, he understood my respect for his decisions and where I stood on the matter. And “he decided” (we) on the school I wanted. And now, 1 1/2 years later is still happy with “his” decision. I mean, I have to add, I’m not one for confrontation or yelling or screaming. But, on little matters, I nod and smile. When something big comes up, and I really say something, he listens because I don’t just start in with every little thing. Anyway, I was once a feminist living NYC as an artist. Then I “saw the light”, life is happier and much more peaceful. Sometimes it comes back to me, like at carpool time. But with my relationship with my husband, in Hebrew, I have “Shalom Bais”, a peaceful home, I couldn’t ask for anything else.

  3. cee

    I find this to be one of the most offensive, embarrassing pieces of junk that I have ever had the displeasure of reading. I don’t know if the writer has any daughters but if so, I pray that they have a strong female role model somewhere in their lives so they can learn how to respect themselves and not be their husband’s doormat!

    1. cee

      Darn! I feel pretty bad upon re-reading my post. πŸ™ While I DO mean what I said, I didn’t mean to sound so harsh about it. If the writer does have daughters I am sure she is doing the best she can for them as I am for mine. My apologies. I am passionate about empowering women so I get a bit riled up about these things.

      1. Jennifer Flanders Post author

        Thank you, Cee. I accept your apology and appreciate your writing to offer it. As it happens, I do have daughters — four of them, ages 22, 13, 11, and 2. Only the oldest is out of the nest, but we are raising her sisters with the same values and worldview. Although you and I obviously disagree about what it means to be empowered as a woman, I cannot help but think you would approve of the way that oldest daughter has turned out. She was homeschooled for elementary, junior high, and high school, but graduated at 16, spent one summer studying political theory at Cambridge, another studying Spanish in Costa Rica, and another working as an Au Pair in Qatar. She attended a local junior college on full scholarship, where she worked as a biology lab assistant and tutored calculus and physics. She later transfered to Texas A&M and there taught supplemental instruction classes in organic chemistry before graduating Magna Cum Laude at age 20. She spent six months working with handicapped children in Nepal, then returned to the States to teach at college level for a year before beginning dental school, where she is currently. She is one of the most empowered women I’ve ever met. Her power comes from above, and it enables her to live a life of service to others with a heart of humility, full of love and compassion for those less fortunate. She is beautiful inside and out, and she is going to make an amazing wife and mother someday. The world needs more women like her.

      2. Kel

        Don’t feel bad, I agree with you whole-heartedly. And being direct & straight to the point doesn’t make you rude. You didn’t sound harsh at all πŸ™‚ Just very sure of yourself.

  4. Tara Snider Leikness

    Yes, some of these suggestions sound…one-sided. But, I think if you start with a respectful relationship where your husband is also thinking of you, these suggestions lose some of their edges. As I read these ideas I thought, “That sounds a little weird”. But, when I thought about it, they were things that I already do because my husband is my best friends and lover. Also, some of these ideas do seem to come from a “stay at home mom” perspective. I only work part-time so I still do the majority of the housework, but my husband doesn’t complain if I don’t get to everything every day. If I feel like I need extra help, I ask. The bit about sex seemed silly to me, but…I love to be with my husband. He needed to be a bit more understanding when we had babies and small children, but that time of our lives is behind us and we both have a little more time and energy for each other. Anyway, I think it comes from a good place with good foundation.

  5. Deb

    I couldn’t even read the whole thing. It made me so sad. It’s as if a woman can’t have thoughts or emotions that she can express. Be an intelligent, engaging, honest, moral woman
    and that should be enough.

    1. Jennifer Flanders Post author

      Behaving in a loving and respectful way towards one’s husband does not preclude being intelligent, engaging, honest, and moral. Nevertheless, those virtues alone do not guarantee a happy marriage. I have known several women who, despite having many other praiseworthy qualities, are decidedly and insufferably disrespectful toward their husbands, much to their shame.

      1. Liedetector

        Are their other “praiseworthy qualities” things like not gossiping about or judging others on a public forum? Go and find a scripture that says gossiping about, judging your neighbor, then cursing them with shame isn’t a sin. You’ll find lots about pride, that I can guarantee.

        1. Jennifer Flanders Post author

          Naming names would be gossiping. Speaking in broad generalities is giving an object lesson — a lesson I’m hoping will hit a nerve in readers who share the same character flaw.

    2. Cate

      I couldn’t read the whole thing either, but that’s because my relationship chooses Honesty instead of faking happy. I also have a successful career. We work as a team to keep our home going and never place gender stereotypes on our children. This doesn’t fit for me, but its cool if others love the 1950s wife routine. Everyone is entitled to their own life. This isn’t mine nor is it a lot of people commenting, but to each their own.

  6. Liz Toner

    As a former feminist, I have struggled with my nine year relationship with my husband. For a long time we fought about respect and honor in our house. I felt I was entitled to a lot, and so did he. At the end of our ropes and ready for divorce we gave our marriage to God. Willing to try anything, as our last try. That was nearly two years ago, and this is a concept I have just started to embrace. I fought it for awhile, saying things like, “it takes two” and “He should respect me first” But what I learned is that all I can do worry about is me, and my walk with God. If He tells me to respect my husband no matter what, and do it with a good attitude, and whole heartedly, than that is what I should do. We are to give respect to our Husbands because it’s in the bible, and the Lord will honor us for that. I appreciate this post, and I look at it often. I want to show my husband respect, even when he doesn’t deserve it, because not doing so is prideful. To think I know better than the creator of all things…its prideful, and showing Husband respect is in retrospect showing God respect. Thank you for posting this, and keep up the great work. You have inspired me, and many other wives! Thank you

  7. deb moore

    omg this is the most redicoulus thing that i have ever read in my life.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. Kel

      AGREE!! It’s one thing to be a good communicator, but being his slave is something else all together.

      Sorry, but my world doesn’t revolve around him, and his shouldn’t revolve around mine, either!!

    2. jellis68

      I wonder how many marriages some of these ladies have been thru that don’t agree with this!
      Ladies, how can u call yourselves Christians if you don’t follow this simple advise?

      Yes it works both ways

  8. Chelsea

    its sad that some people on here are saying that this stuff is archaic. you should expect your husband to do all the same for you. just because you do your best to make your husband happy, doesnt mean you are a door mat. when you get married do you say ” my husband and me” or do you say “we”? you are partners. you are now one soul. you do to him what you want done to you. you don’t want your husband to manipulate you, you want your husband to actually think about what you want and not just dismiss it, you want your husband to pay attention to you, you don’t like it when you are interrupted, you don’t want your husband pointing out your flaws, you want him to pray for you, you don’t want your husband telling you how to do your job, your husband should be thankful he has you, smiles do spread happiness, when you are rebuffed when you want some it makes you feel unwanted, what would you do if your husband was eyeing another woman? why wouldn’t you kiss your husband goodbye? it makes you feel special when your husband makes your favorite food, your husband should cherish every moment with you, i know every woman hates it when there husband whines about something. the last time my husband corrected my grammar, i gave him an ear full, i don’t like it when my husband doesn’t shave, so he shaves because thats what i like, i love it when my house is clean, and i sure as heck don’t mow the yard, you should be happy with what you have, when you give your husband your opinion, you want him to think about it. i love it when my husband compliments me. you get my point (this is too much to type) we all want this for ourselves, why shouldn’t we give the same to our husbands?

    1. Samantha

      Right, it is sad that people are posting these things are “archaic”. The funny thing you said was that we should expect our husbands to do the same for us, well i have one thing to say about thar, “ha-ha”. Your one of the lucky ones where you have a “50/50” relationship and it all works out accordingly. Well let me just tell you there are men out there who are down right nasty people at heart. All the husband wants is for you to be quiet and make him food, as well as household chores and maybe you have to work too. No respect, no equality, so for what i have to say for myself is: I will Always stand up for myself and always keep what i think is true and right coming right outta my mouth. “teach him respect with no words” bahahaha.

  9. Joy

    Good verses to live by. However it takes two, to make the relationship work. You will end up feeling like a doormat if your husband doesn’t respect you or love you like he should. I did these things for years with an unloving husband. It just gave him more control and the emotional abuse led to me having a breakdown.

    1. Janelle Banners

      I agree with you 100%. In this day and age when women often times make more money than the husband, the husband needs to do things on equality. Love eachother, do not be fake because you feel it will make for a better marriage. A man needs to respect his wife, trust her and not always find fault with her.. Love her like she is the only woman on earth. Cherish her and love her especially if she has given you children. Cherish her always.. Love is not a one way street, it has two lanes with many intersections.. Be mindful in loving and respecting each other.

    2. Carey

      I completely agree with that statement, however, Scripture does tell us that even if we have a husband who is not walking with the Lord, that we are to live by His example and do these things anyway. You must stop putting your faith in your husband to change and put your faith in God to change him.

    3. Christina

      This is sexist. Both men and women should impart these 25 tips into their relationships. A gender distinction should not exist.

  10. Amanda

    Not impressed with this at all, while I think communication between a couple and good listening skills is essential and an integral part of a healthy relationship I think (and so does my lovely husband) that is is dated and just plain wrong. If you have to actively and consciously and somewhat unnaturally be prepared to do this everyday to keep your man happy then there is already a problem.

    Very Happily Married warts n all!

  11. Amanda

    Love this, saddened by all the negativity. Nowhere on the post does she say that the husband does not respond with the same love and devotion. 100% agree if more marriages were like this the divorce rate would be far lower. I try to do some of this already, but I know there are things on here that I should improve on. Thanks!

  12. Deborah Davis

    I think the women that have a problem with these principles are dealing with their own pride and lack of humility. I say that but I have a hard time doing these things when I feel that my husband has let me down, or makes promises that he doesn’t keep, or disrespects me in one form or another. I can tell you that a woman wants to be cherished and respected, and if she is, there is little problem following any of those biblical principles. If she isn’t (cherished and respected), she may form a root of bitterness that grows with each failed expectation until one day, the relationship becomes so damaged, it may be irreparable.

  13. taylorann48

    Thank you for this wisdom. I have seen some of the fruits of going against these words, and I always regret it. Thank you for encouraging us to walk with the Spirit.

  14. Sharon Wiggett

    With regards to your point above – “Dress to Please Him: Take care of your appearance. Choose clothes your husband finds flattering, both in public and around the house.” What if the dress that pleases your husband is ungodly, revealing and immodest – simply because it makes your husband feel good about having a “sexy” wife? God’s Word stipulates that a godly woman should dress modestly so as not to be a distraction to other married men – any comments in this regard?

    Also, with regard to your last point – “Follow His Lead: If you want your husband to lead, you must be willing to follow. Neither a body nor a family can function well with two heads. Learn to defer to your husband’s wishes and let final decisions rest with him. (Ephesians 5:22-24)”. With particular reference to the last sentence of this point to let final decisions rest with him – what if a man constantly makes mistakes with/in these final decisions and never learns from his mistakes, to the detriment of the family? Any comments?

    1. Jennifer Flanders Post author

      With regards to dressing modestly, I don’t think it is an either/or proposition. You can dress modestly in public and save the more revealing clothing (or no clothing at all) to wear in the privacy of your own bedroom.

      With regards to bad decisions, I recognize that some men struggle with addictions and dangerous behaviors, and if the mistakes that he is making involve that sort of thing, then I’d recommend finding a good Christian counselor to help work through that situation.

  15. Heather

    Let’s make something very clear: respect is different than service.
    If we’ll all take a moment to observe a marriage ceremony: the woman is not the one pledging all the service, love, and respect.
    BOTH do.
    I am a Christ-following girl, and in a great relationship. But, look: seriously.
    Letting things go in an argument: love and respect.
    Trying to ease his stress after he has a stressful day: love and respect.
    Offering to do something for him to be helpful: love and respect.
    HOWEVER: having a nicely dressed wife is not his right, sorry. (Now, why a woman WOULDN’T want to look nice for her man is beyond me, but that’s beside the point).
    Being fed by his wife: ALSO not his right, sorry. (I personally find it extremely attractive when my guy wants to make me something to eat. Granted, it doesn’t always taste great, but then we laugh and I tease him.)
    It’s called a relationship because it takes two people. Two to do some laundry. Two to wash some dishes. Two to take care of the kids.
    Seriously, ladies, if he’s not willing to do at least some of the work: your marriage/dating relationship is in a world of hurt.

  16. Bentley

    it makes me sad in a country of free speech to see such bickering. Thank you for posting something to help people love each other better. We may not agree but we are free to do so. I’m encouraged mostly by Ruth Graham’s quote about a good marriage is two people that forgive one another. I love Jesus and my future husband and our goal is to love each other and take care of one another, to be on each other side. Coming from a fem background it was hard for me to humble myself to just cook dinner but that was something of pride in me that I’m dealing with not an overbearing man. He can cook too and does tons of other things for and with me. We are equal and different, beautifully different with different strengths and we chose to put them together not counter against one another. I think there is definite truth that not everything applies and we have a voice but its my prayer that we don’t marry men that would take advantage of that and not love us with the same devotion that we love them. I love the look on nick’s face when I tell him I’m with him 100% in a situation or decision, or when he ask my opinion which I freely give. We both decide to not nitt-pick but choose love over frustration. A book you all might like is “loving what is” by Byron Katie. Also the “5 love languages” is great too. We all have a lot of growing to do. I’m a strong woman wholoves a strong and gentle man. Good luck to all your marriages. My advice, talk and at all cost avoid correction and condeming. focus in what is good in your lives, what you love and admire about each other and if there isn’t anything, find something! Love humbly and love being a woman!

  17. Pam

    Thank you for posting this! We are to be our husband’s helpmeet! To love and respect him. Let HIM lead the home. That is God’s plan and design and the best way! Blessings!

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  19. Olivia

    I am a woman 24 years of age and although it might sound outrageous I believe your list is great. Is is from the older days and that is how things should be done. I work full time have two children smile pretty and get the house work done while my husband unwinds from his day. It is women that are lazy and too proud to even attempt to try to please their man in this way anymore and I regret to see just how bad it is. No wonder there are no more so called good men out there anymore look at how narrow minded the female race has become.

  20. stylerich

    this is retarded. it sounds like you in the 1920’s where women had to shut up and do what they were told and act like they were happy even if they werent. if your husband doesnt treat you in the same way described above your no ones property or slave and shouldnt treat him with respect.

  21. Deb

    Great words of wisdom. My husband and I have been married for 14 years, it’s a second marriage for both of us so the odds were not good from the get go. We have managed to build a lasting, loving, respectful union, just by implementing many of these points, being kind to one another, and being completely committed to the commitment. It’s isn’t a cake walk, but God gets us through the rough patches. I respect him, He loves me…it’s a win/win for both of us.

  22. Beth

    Wow…..he left out daily foot and back rubs…mowing the lawn….scrubbing the floors…..getting his robe and slippers and pipe when he walks in the door……….. did someone tell him its 2012. Just treat everyone the way you wish to be treated and everyone should have all the respect they need without a manual! Geez I feel sorry for that 1950s housewife. Speak when spoken to and …..no pinterest for you!!

    1. Jennifer Flanders Post author

      “He” didn’t leave out anything, Beth, because this article was written by “her” — that 1950’s housewife you feel so sorry for. Yes, it is possible to respect one’s husband and blog at the same time. And I also use Pinterest. In fact, I even have a “Love Your Husband” board. You can check it out here.

  23. Jem2008

    Marring the person God intended for you helps. It makes following these things like second nature. You find yourself wanting to do these things with out resentment. At least that’s how it’s been for me for last 5 years.

  24. Amanda P.

    I just wanted to say that you reap what you sow. If you sow selfishness you will reap selfishness. If you want to receive respect you must first give it. This list is a great example of of how to show respect to your husband. Even if he doesn’t deserve it or show it to you does that mean you don’t show it to him.? Your kids don’t always listen and do the right thing but does that mean you don’t love them, no. So if you love your husband why would you not show him respect. As I was growing up and still to this day my father always says “you reap what you sow” how you treat others is how you will be treated. I for one would like to live my life showing love and respect to my husband everyday (wither he deserved it that day or not) because I want him to show me love and respect (even on the days that I don’t deserve it). How you treat your husband is how he will treat you.

  25. Misty Brown

    Marriage is supposed to be 50/50 Not a leader and a doormat. I did read the list for men and put seat down is something my 5 year old son knows to do. Loosen the purse strings for the man, that is laughable since I am better with money and he is the one with an allowance. If he is acting like a 2 year old I will either call him on it or treat him (or nag him) like a child. (I would expect no less if acted the same) Honor his wishes? —and have supper on the table when he gets home? He has two hands doesn’t he? Same with cleaning the house we split the chores. In my house there is no such thing as “women’s work” or “man’s work”. I just think that the list for the woman and man should be the same, all 50 should be a guide for men and women and then you would have something. Considering the Bible was written many hundreds of years ago and some of the stuff in there has become obsolete as well as times have and will change. There is no reason to subservient. Women are more than baby makers and bakers now. We have careers (if we want) and earn as much or more than them sometimes too. Women were not allowed to vote back about 100 years ago, either would you like to go back when we had absolutely no rights? Or did a man decide what the Bible could set aside and what to keep? I was raised Christian and my dad was a minister so please don’t think I don’t believe in God.

  26. Pingback: 25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband… | In His Time…

  27. Brianna

    This is the STUPIDEST thing ive ever read. Im no ones slave and i dont kiss feet. My man should be kissing mine. Pathetic list..

  28. Alexa

    These are very good GUIDELINES, not rules.
    But, these guidelines are very 1950s-like and seem that we must bow down to our significant other.
    A lot of women in this world today of 2012, do not have a 9 to 5 jobs, they are not stay at home mothers, and we are not weak beings.
    We also have to think, there are a lot of men out there who LOVE to cook, who enjoy cleaning the house, and men do want a little action once in awhile. The men who think they are superior to women, need to know that they are not, women are equal to them.
    Us as women can also thank them other ways and show that we respect them, such as taking interest in their hobbies or in their lives in general.
    What I dislike about this list is that the men are the decision makers of the household, I am sorry but it takes two to tango, and two to make a decision that is best for the household.
    Also, not every spouse has a day off together, I say women should take those days that you do not have off with your spouse to make him dinner one night (if he is the one doing all the cooking). And keeping the house clean, well both parties should keep the home clean inside and out since it was a decision that both of you made to buy, lease, rent the home.

    I think this list is good if you want to be that 1950s cookie-cutter type of relationship, otherwise, I think we can incorporate most of these guidelines into our lives in some way or another and definitely switch up how it is being portrayed.

  29. ala

    Thank you so much for these words of wisdom. I think every wife should try and put this into action cos the world is too negative minded. We need to read and hear more of these things. God bless you real good.

  30. Amanda

    My first reaction is the societal “no way would I do this stuff, I’m an equal, not a slave!” After reflecting on it, I can say I agree with most of these suggestions. Women have taken the fight for equality into a fight for dominance. I wasn’t raised with religion, and as a woman who came to Christianity as an adult, I find it a struggle to reconcile the female mindset that society condones, and the mindset God intended for us to have. The societal mindset is that if a man isn’t pampering a woman, then she’s not being treated as an “equal.” Women – admittedly, myself included – have become needy, spoiled, entitled, and disrespectful. A successful marriage is borne of MUTUAL love and respect. This is simply a list of ways we can break free of our sense of entitlement and serve our husbands. As they should also be serving us, out of love.

  31. Hannah

    Thank you for these amazing words. It is a constant struggle in my relationship with my husband. I don’t realize how degrading I can sound towards my husband, how my huffing and puffing gets to his self-esteem, and how my expectations form a wedge in between us. The Lord works in all ways to His glory. If we aren’t willing to be servants towards our husbands, what does that say about our servitude towards our Creator and God? All of us are imperfect, but should that stop us from attempting to become more Christ-like through our service? Christ came from the highest of high, to the lowest of low. He CHOSE that. We also have a choice to become servants willing to be “walked on”, or high and mighty in our ways. You don’t find fullness in your soul from striving after the wind. Thanks again and God bless you.

  32. april

    But you out of anyone knows your spouse and what works for the both of you. Don’t try and do anything different just cause someone tells you its the way that a woman is supposed to be. I am agnostic and my beliefs do not affect my marriage thank you. Just because I am not a Christian does not make me or my marriage any less than anyone else. Just listen to one another and don’t be afraid to talk about the things that bother you. Your spouse is your best friend don’t let anything change that.

  33. april

    I see the comments about how modern women think its repulsive to respect a man these days but I have to say that is completely not true. Respect works both ways and a marriage is a partnership not indentured servitude. My husband and I both work 40 hour weeks and have three amazing kids. There is no way in hell a modern woman could do all the things on the list if she wanted to. I help him with the yard and he helps me to keep the house clean. We voice our opinions to each other and we our both headstrong individuals and we have arguments all the time. But that is all they are arguments we have never had an all out screaming fight and we always feel better after an argument because we both got to vent a little. We have been married now for almost 8 years and will be together for many more. Your partner married you knowing the best and worst about you trying to change and do all this just to please him will get old and make you a fake. Just be yourself. The person he met and fell in love with and treat him the same. We all change a little over the years but never enough to change who we are. Good luck to all of your marriages may they be as blessed as mine.

  34. Meg

    I strongly disagree with the vast majority of the comments on this page. In my view, there is nothing mentioned in this article that prevents a woman from being strong, independent, and well respected.. but rather that it actually helps them achieve this goal in a far more complete way.
    While it does suggest acts of service- that hardly makes you a slave. In his final days, Jesus Christ himself spent his time serving those who didn’t deserve it- and if we are called to live according to his commandments, we ought to be doing this for everyone without complaint- and that includes your husband. It never says that you ought to let your husband disregard your needs, or take advantage of your compassionate spirit. Husbands are called to do just as much for their wives, and this article never claims that they aren’t– it just doesn’t mention them, as this particular list is to help a wife improve.
    I don’t believe that respect, love, and compassion are ever out of date. Nor do I think that any amount of rights make it so a person, man or woman, is entitle to disregard them. I am only sixteen currently, and I am not married yet, nor will I be in the near future. However, when I do get married- it will be to a man who I love. And if I love him, doing these things won’t be a burden. They won’t make me feel used, or like I am a slave- because they will help make his day a little brighter. And I will know that in turn, he will do many similar things for me. An equal relationship isn’t built from both of sides neglecting to show love- but rather from both sides putting in the extra mile to make the relationship last. And this is a great guideline for the wife- as is the other for a husband.
    I am very thankful to you for writing this blog, as it gives me an idea of what to look for in the future- in a society where that is not all that common. Your blog never fails to inspire me, and act as one of the only examples I know of a solid Christian marriage~ in a society in which that is not very common. So, thank you for sharing your insights- as they are helping to build my character, and prepare me for the day that I am ready to take these steps on my own. It’s a beautiful blog. (:

    1. Jennifer Flanders Post author

      Thank you, Meg. I appreciate those sweet words of encouragement and pray that God will pour out his richest blessings upon you, including — when the time is right — providing for you a godly and loving husband and children who show as much wisdom and maturity at a young age as you yourself have in what is written above.

  35. Heather Gillis

    I really can’t believe a woman of today would even listen to this. I was a divorced single mom for 5 years before I met my second husband, I did a wonderful job and made all the decisions. I have 3 wonderful, smart, and caring children to show for it. I love my husband with all my heart, and though I do value his opinions, I do have a mind of my own. You have to work together, It’s an equal partnership.

  36. nicole

    Everyone keeps calling it submission to your husband but it is more the submission to God’s will for us as wives. We made that vow before Him and it is only right that we keep it. These rules aren’t archaic or outdated because God’s word is timeless. Our world isn’t in the state it is in because men stopped being men and women stopped being women but because we all stopped being the Lord’s bride. We have turned away from Him as a society and turned our lives, marriages, and futures over to the devil.

  37. Lisa

    My husband and I have been married 34 years and love and respect each other. We are partners in our marriage. We make decisions together, relying on both our knowledge to come to the right one. Somethings he knows more about and somethings I do. We use our strengths together to get through our life. When I was not working our marriage was more traditional like above and when I went back to work when the children were older he helped more with things. At this point in our life my salary is higher than his and I provide the insurance for our family. This does not make me superior or him less of a man. He is partially disabled and can no longer work at his chosen profession. He does work 2 jobs to help with the finances and to provide for our retirement. I look forward to having many more years with this wonderful man. We both come from families with mothers who followed the 25 ways above. Both mothers also worked outside the home, one on the farm and one in business. Both our fathers felt respected and loved and both respected and loved their wives. My father-in-law just went to be in heaven with the love of his life who left us 10 years ago after 55 years of marriage and my parents just celebrated 56 years. Love and respect each other and happiness will follow.

  38. Lisa

    I am a Christian, but I don’t feel that I am going against God’s will when my husband and I make joint decisions that affect our family together. We respect each other’s opinions and we make the final decision together – he doesn’t make it alone. We share the household chores and both work full time jobs. We share the care of our children. I respect my husband and find that many of these rules are relevant, but the tone of some of them is certainly outdated. Again, I don’t think this makes me a bad Christian or out of touch with the Bible. The Bible also says that women shouldn’t have short hair and, as someone mentioned before, condoned the use of slaves. Things change, and I don’t think that makes those who have a different view of what God wants in our marriage any less Christian than those of you who claim that equality has ruined marriage. My husband and I respect each other and support each other mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I don’t want to be on a pedestal – I want to stand beside him throughout our lives together.

    1. candylyn

      It’s obvious that a man made this list. It doesn’t say once what the man should do in return if being treated like a king. Women need to be respected in order to treat their partner with this treatment. Life makes this impossible, people can’t live off of one mans income in the household.. Women have to work (because women wanted to be equal), therefore women have to be wives, mothers, husbands, workers, heads if household

  39. mommyof4

    I teach all of my children to be respectful. no matter if you are a christian or no you should still respect your husband and he you. The above statements are not about being a doormat or not, more of a guideline as to ways your husband might appreciate. instead of whining why not look at your marriage and see if some of these would strengthen your marriage.

    1. lilbitsmum

      I agree with mommyof4. I think this is a great guideline that BOTH husband and wife can and should follow. My husband and I are both equal partners in our marriage and he has no problems “keeping the house tidy” with me. I’m happy to exam these statements to see if it would help us be better for each other (and set a good example for our child), but I will also print it out so he can see how he can reciprocate.

  40. thb

    I find this article to be a way to brush things under the rug. Really? A wife that does everything in the household should as think of herself once and awhile. If he can’t understand you had a rough day then he expects too much. I really am not eating his favorite meal 2-3 times a month. I’m lucky to eat mine once a month. If the kids are taken care and the house is in good shape (no perfect because no one is living then), then he should be happy. Just because you are in the same room doesn’t mean you are spending time with him. I always laugh with my husband after a long day that we having spent anytime with each other even though we were always within 10 feet of each other. A good marriage would never last doing this. As women, we can’t always be the ones doing things. We deserve just as much done for us if not more. As much as this sounds like the 50’s way of doing things, what happen to letting the men chase us. Women chase men too much this time and age.

  41. Sandy

    I am sorry that there are so many mean comments about this article. What ever happened to saying a person disagrees without insulting the other? I feel sorry for them. I think their negativity is based on fear. No one I know is a doormat.

  42. Shannon

    Wow! I feel sorry for those who are blind to what this is about. God has very strong descriptions of what a man (Head of household and accountable to God) and a woman (Proverbs 31) are to be in his eyes. But, it goes further than this. We were created in Gods image. Although we are human and sin every day, we are to ask forgiveness and continue to strive to be the man or woman we are to be in Christ. When you are married, this Godly transformation must start the day the two become one, if not before. The suggested points listed here are not intended for women to roll over in total submission without the husband doing his part. The Bible does say “women submit to your husband”, but if you will read just a little farther it says for “husbands to live with their wives..and show her honor” It does say “weaker”, but I believe that is in reference to bodily stature, wherein most women are not as strong as a man. Men need a strong woman to be their help meet. A team! So to say it is sexist to uphold your husband with respect only speaks out of ignorance. The Bible goes on to say “ALL of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit.” If we spent more time living Gods word and less time accusing others and fighting for our own recognition and glory, we would all see what God see’s in us. Don’t believe me….. Read 1Peter, chapter 3. It is in black and white, spoken by God.

  43. Worder

    Great for all you female activist. Rag on a woman who has found happiness in a way that is fitting for her. So what is your end goal for total legally bona fide equality. Curse anyone who finds a system that complements the strengths of both them and their partner… Personally when my wife is in a period of practicing respect I think about her more often, I work harder, in other words I show my appreciation more. To me EQUALITY doesn’t mean “okay you make this decision then I make this decision”. No two people are exactly the same so in any situation one or the other will have more experience or more capacity to provide the best solution (make the best decision). I have more experience with managing money and making ends meet. I also am more conscientious of safety etc. So when it comes to making those decisions I expect that my voice carries more weight. However I will always listen to my wife’s idea. When it comes to decisions concerning travel, style, even my career choices are strongly dictated by her. Too often when we go against the other’s more qualified advice do we end up in a bad situation. Plus the other is upset because their intelligence was written off.

    Just because one couple finds equality in the ways mentioned above doesn’t mean this is consistent for everyone. But to say that equality only means apples to apples even authority to make decisions is preposterous. Get this… Black people and white people should be equal. However, you take two employees one black on white. Both are candidates for two management positions. Would you combine the positions and make them co-managers? No, you would make either manager of the department that they were more suitable for. In my home we have two management positions which oversee specific departments. Some decisions are outside of both of our expertise and we make those decisions together (in reality one of us usually just defers to the other after their opinion has been heard).

    Congrats to this woman for finding equality within her marriage. Chances our if you are truly happy as well you have found equality applicable to the strengths which you posses. Great if you and your partner share experience and expertise in similar areas.

    Bottom line marriage is not between men and women… It is between a man and a woman.

  44. Holly

    This is for all the stupid people criticizing this article. Of course you’re equals. It has nothing to do with equality. Of course your husband should respond to you with consideration as well, but this website is not for husbands it’s for wives. It’s all about decent consideration for someone’s needs besides your own. It makes me gag to think of what your husbands have to live with!

    1. Heather Gillis

      My husband lives with a sexy, confident, funny, intelligent woman. A great wife, mother and friend. We laugh, workout, help each other with this life we have chosen to take on together!

  45. Luis

    I am a husband, and I am a believer in God. I would just like to point something out, In the beginning,God did not take a bone from a mans head soshe can be above him, or did he take the bone from his feet so he can step all over her. He took a bone from his side in order to create the women. Which means they are equal, meant to work side by side. I love my wife and most of the list above I think is good for the husband as well. Only difference is wife respect the husband and husband love your wife. Men and women are different. Like with love and respect men and women also communicate differently. Example, I have nothing to wear? Said by a man, most of times not all the times, means he has no clean clothes. ( there are some exceptions) for a women it means they have a closet full of clothes but not the right outfit for that occassion. The other thing is someone must LEAD. I am not saying I am the leader do as I say. But as a good leader you know your strength and weakness and a good leader listens to objection and does not mind giving power to someone else to lead or take on that project, but that leader is still the leader. Example: My wife is much more better dealing with the money in our household than I am. So she handles the money. Where I am weak she is strong and where she is weak I am strong. Both husband and wife should have a common goal. I want the best for my wife and my family and my wife want the best for me and our family. Like in a major company you have a table of executive but some one is leading or steering the ship. Please hear my heart not trying to be disrespectful but God placed someone to lead. Have men abused their power in the past, present and future, YES. Is it right NO. I just believe there must be balance and sometimes I have seen people over compensate as well.

  46. Barbara Smith

    Jennifer – One more thing. I would love to be part of a discussion group of women who get it and really want to work on this stuff. I appreciate your blog, and taking comments, but I find it tiresome and unhelpful for those of us interested in learning these wifely skills to have to read through the angry comments – and it doesn’t give me the support I would like. Do you know of such a group? I do not do Facebook, but a Yahoo group or some such?
    Thank you again, Barb

    1. Jennifer Flanders Post author

      Barbara, I moderate a Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/love.your.husband.yourself) devoted to that very purpose, but as you do not do Facebook, it will not help you (yet). You might check out the list of “My Favorite Blogs” near the bottom of the sidebar on the right. They are all full of wifely encouragement, and many of them have more consistently positive comment threads. You might also check out Time-Warp Wife’s Titus Tuesday Link-Up or some of the other weekly link-ups (also listed in the sidebar). Many of them feature Christian bloggers who are just getting started and are very appreciative of comments and eager for discussion on their linked-up articles. I’m afraid I do not know of any Yahoo-type groups that fit what you’re looking for, but that certainly doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Readers? Where do you go to encourage and to be encouraged by other women who “get it”?

  47. Barbara Smith

    All the hateful and angry replies just confirm to me how lost these women are. I have been married 33 years, happily I thought, but when my husband said a couple years ago he had considered leaving me because he didn’t think he could face living with me anymore God really slapped me in the face with the truth! That was that I had been secretly at war with my husband all those years, while believing we had a “good” marriage. I had been “standing up for myself” as a woman! We had an “equal” marriage! Great! But my husband didn’t feel cherished, and neither did I. We were both secretly lonely and on the defensive. All this going on underneath the surface; and neither of us aware of the damage it was doing.
    Suddenly God opened my eyes and I saw it truly was all up to me as the woman to recover from my liberated upbringing and learn from scratch how to love my husband, just as he is, as a man, and to be thankful for him every day, no matter whether he deserves that or not. All I can say is that the results have been miraculous and I will spend the rest of my life encouraging younger women to get off their high horses and learn to love their husbands!! The rewards are so worth it!

    Thank you so much for this list. I will also be getting your book and passing it on to my older girls, and anyone else I can think of. We need to spread this knowledge far and wide for the sake of our children and grandchildren. God has suddenly opened my eyes to the dynamics of so many hurting marriages, and it is always the same story. People are so selfish and so good at hurting each other!

    As my husband commented when he read the above list “But that’s all just common sense. It’s how we are supposed to treat everyone!” Duh!

    Blessings on your work and your family, Barb

  48. Elaina

    I think what some people are misunderstanding here is that doing these things by no means makes you “unequal.” It doesn’t make you a doormat, it doesn’t make you weak, and it doesn’t mean you allow yourself to be abused. This is the way it used to be when women were prized, valued, protected, and completely cared for. In return, the woman did these things for her man out of love, appreciation, and yes, respect. The woman was not “lesser,” the woman was on a pedestal, and damned if she didn’t take herself down from there with all this “equality” talk. Now where is modern woman? She is a sex object, a piece of meat, a true doormat. Not only is the modern woman unequal in the workplace where she will not receive the same wages as a man in her same position, but now she is also expected to earn her keep in the home by balancing a career, kids, AND home making. What modern woman did for herself is irreparable damage. Call it progress if you like, but I know I’ll stick with the old-fashioned way and let my man put me back on my pedestal where I belong.

    1. K.

      I’m sorry but women didn’t used to be prized…they were bought and sold by fathers to suitors. They were bargaining chips. They weren’t valued beyond what they could offer their fathers and husbands. They could have no interests beyond cooking, cleaning, taking care of children, and being objects of gratification. Women were not put on pedestals, they were not treated like goddesses or worshiped… they were put under men’s feet. Domestic abuse was seen as something acceptable, almost expected, in the home.

      I will take my freedom to choose my own path, to follow my dreams. I will take the freedom to not shackle myself to raising children I don’t want but are expected of me simply because I am a woman. I will take an equal place beside my husband who accepts my flaws and short comings because he knows I am a human being and I deserve to be treated and respected like one just as he deserves the same. And I will never let anyone tell me that it is better to be placed on a so called pedestal and give up control of my own life. I will make my own place in the world, not have someone else put me in one.

      You believe that life was somehow better for women when they were only expected to stay in the home and be good little wives but you say that without thinking of all the freedoms you would have to completely and utterly give up to do so. Would you really give up every right of individuality? Every right to having your own voice and thoughts? People like you make me weep for humanity.

      1. Barb

        I agree w/ you 100%. When was the last time you saw a man open a door for a woman??? or put his coat down for her over a puddle of water so she does not get her gorgeous shoes wet???…women have unleashed the “dominant/independant woman” monster who needs no “Hero” or “Night in Shining Armour” to come to her rescue!!!

      2. digifindsandreviews

        True beauty in a woman emerges when she stops needing someone to come rescue her. My husband will opens doors for me. I appreciate it when he does, but I don’t expect it. I think you will find that a lot of women don’t need “a hero”. The strength lies in being your own hero. Because men will leave. They will cheat. They will die. Depend on yourself and you become infinitely more attractive to the opposite sex. Men don’t want women who can’t deal with life on their own.

  49. savedgracie

    What this article doesn’t say, is that if we communicate respect to our husbands they will in turn communicate love to us.

    Don’t get caught up on every word in this list, take the good ones and apply those. For me its: 22. Don’t speak badly about your husband to others, and 21. Compliment him. and 17. I still like to put on a little mascara before he comes home πŸ™‚
    I know my husband feels respected and loved when I do these.

  50. breakthough1

    Mrs. Flanders’ recipe for marital success is precisely the way God intended. Believe it or not naysayers, God intended that men and women have specific roles in life. We should all seek to put the needs of others before our own. When we do, we will see that we will find ourselves fullfilled, satiated and full of God’s peace and joy. I’m learning this more every day.

  51. kathryn

    Wow I am shocked. Women hating their own sex. We can be equal in relationships and still be good people. My parents are very happily married and have been for 30 years. Both work, both do house and yard work together, have equal weight in family decisions, and taught their children (boys and girls) to be respectful of people. It seems some people think women are either submissive to their husbands (good wives)or they are bad wives. My parents are my shining example (who are both christians by the way) of what a great equal relationship should be. My dad would be disappointed if I wasted my potential by letting my husband make all my life decisions.
    Also those talking about the bible, the bible can be interpreted in many ways. There are many many things in the bible we no longer practice (slavery for instance) so please don’t use that argument anymore.

    1. Cathy

      Kathryn, I’m with you on this! Equality in a marriage is liberating to both, the husband and the wife. John and I have been married 41 years and we SHARE both the wonders and the tragedies in life. No one’s opinion matters more than the other and neither of us blindly submits to the other. We have learned to respect each other for the individuals that we are and celebrate the couple this has allowed us to become. No person, husband or wife, should ever feel it is their ‘obligation’ to act like someone they are not. ‘To thine own self be true’ and you will be able to truly love each other.

    2. Womenyoucan'tlivewiththembutyoucan'tlivewithoutthem

      Some men don’t respect women because of the way most in our society act which makes me disappointed in women in today’s society. What I don’t get about women is we are so jealous of one another. If you are an attractive woman you are disliked by the crowd of women as soon as you walk in until they get to know you and realize you are not a threat. Women wonder why men don’t respect us cuz alot of women act trashy and think it makes them cool and desirable. I get women who hate women who act so sexual and flirty and use their looks to get attention from men but not all women are trifling. If women would stick together and love one another and not go after married men or men that are in a relationships then there would be no need to be jealous of each other cuz we would know we all got each others back and it would stop all these affairs cuz men would have no where to go except home…and yes I am married and no my husband doesn’t cheat on me so I am not speaking out of bitterness. It is just an observation so take it or leave it.

  52. SoLadylike

    I am astonished at all of the critical and angry responses I have read to lovely Mrs. Flanders 25 rules. I actually don’t understand why anyone took it that way. I am 24 years old, unmarried and agree with 100% of what she said. I grew up in modern day America and am smart enough to see that when women insisted on becoming “equals” with men, they forfeited nearly everything that made them special, sweet lovable etc. They are no longer really anything to protect and cherish, because they won’t BE protected! In the process of their “liberation” they have turned themselves into a lot of power-hungry monsters that storm through life, proud to be dragging some poor man in their wake. I am sickened when I see most marriages today, or even when I watch a “relationship” and see the young man taking from his sweet little girlfriend exactly what he always took from his feminist mother: “You’re nobody, your worthless, you’re only here cause I want you here and at any moment I could drop you, so do as I say or else!”
    It’s tragic.
    I am of the opinion that someone, somewhere, should start campaigning for all the men. They are the ones who are actually abused in today’s society.
    Well done girls! You’ve pretty much succeeded in making babbling idiots of most of our male population. They can’t be men. They’re not allowed to be.
    It makes me awfully mad because I despair of ever evening meeting a real man. They sort that hasn’t been so emasculated that he can’t even hold his head up in the grocery store.
    Men were men, when women were women. Start mixing up the two roles and you get a crazy society where nobody has any idea who they are.

    1. BigB

      Actually they have, Google Mens Rights Movement, more specifically look up a youtube channel called girlwriteswhat. She raises some very good points and I have noticed it is not automatically regarded as misogyny as this is straight from the brain of a lady.

      1. Jennifer Flanders Post author

        I just watched girlwriteswhat’s clip on marriage and found her to be very articulate and insightful. I’ll look forward to viewing more of her other talks in the future. Thanks for sharing the link.

    2. Lily

      We live in a society that is run by men. Women are not wrong for wanting to see change in how they are treated. A woman wanting to be equal to a man does not make her any less special/sweet/lovable. I don’t know who you are watching that makes you think that women treat men as worthless objects, but I know that I’m surrounded by strong women who respect their significant others-but also respect themselves. You are refusing to see the beauty of living in a society where women can make decisions about their bodies, and make equal pay for equal work. I am also a young woman, and I am excited to be living in a time when women stand independent of the men in their lives.

  53. Dave

    I am a man. I am not religious at all. I am modern, fair minded, articulate, generous, educated and very much a supporter and caring person toward women. I am not a mysoginist and believe in ‘equality’ fwiw.

    I will never get married. I have little or no interest in pursuing the vast majority of women that I meet. I have little tolerance for a womans ‘moods’ and temperaments. I strongly believe that women have become greedy, insensitive, foul mouthed, money hungry, alcohol consuming vampires.

    Where does this leave me? Lonely? To a certain extent but I can handle that. Disappointed? Of course, you would be too if every apple you bit into had rot inside it. Bitter? Actually no. I won’t let myself become that.

    So what am I on my own?

    Incomplete. Drifting. Unexcited. Unfulfilled.

    If women could STOP playing the PC, public relations, political rubbish that is force fed into our brains by the media, and concentrate on their strengths as a woman, and realise that a lot of what the writer says in her article is NOT demeaning, NOT out of date, NOT submissive bs to women in general, then, I and other men I know like me, may once again be able to just be. Ourselves.

    A man, who wants to, and can, loves a woman for who she is.

    A woman.

  54. Kayley GUay

    I agreed with absolutely every “guide-line” you mentioned in the post and I loved that each one had a verse to back it up. Respect is SO important to men. My dad is not someone that is easy to respect… In fact, he is quite the opposite. But God doesn’t say to respect someone only if they earn it or deserve it, He says “honor your father and mother”. AND He also says for wives to submit to their husbands and respect them- period. I believe women SHOULD respect their husbands whether they deserve it or not- as an act of obedience to GOD. I just read a book called “Love and Respect”- totally changed my perspective on the area of respect… I’m 21, but I can already say that i wish I would’ve understood how important respect is and what it looks like. THANK YOU for sharing this post- always a good reminder πŸ™‚

    1. Charon

      “I believe women SHOULD respect their husbands whether they deserve it or not- as an act of obedience to GOD.”

      Ooooh, now that’s going a bit too far. That’s just asking to be abused. If a man does not deserve respect, then I wouldn’t respect him just because G’d said so. I think that is taking an interpretation of the Bible a little too far.

  55. Danger

    The comments greatly show where all ofthe derision lies in society.

    Remarkably different from what you have been told, it is *not* women who are receiving poor treatment. It is the men.

    The fact that so many women here take offense to a list that teaches them to actually be nice and treat their husband with love shows all of us the only thing we need to know. There are plenty of women available in the US, but there are just no wives or any woman suitable for a relationship. At best they are just for a romp in the hay.

  56. BigB

    Dang ladies, goes to show ya the thought of being respectful to a man is repulsive to “modern independent women”

    And momma wonders why I never bring a nice girl home, I CAN’T FIND ANY!

    1. SoLadylike

      You comment made me chuckle, but sadly it’s so true that it really isn’t funny! πŸ™
      I feel so sorry for the young men of my generation because when you look around you, there really aren’t any nice girls out there. Certainly not any that a young man with half a brain would want to tie himself to.
      No, the girls have made a REAL mess of this country! And boy, the men of old were sure silly to ever give them that chance! When I look around at our society, I am ashamed to be a woman. πŸ™

  57. Dia Roman

    I think I just died a little inside. This looks like something from the 17th Century–isn’t this 2012?
    Yeah, some of it is still relatable, but a good 93.7% of it is garbage. This is the 21st Century. A woman is an equal, not a mindless doormat.

  58. Kelli

    Thank you so much for this. My husband said he wants a divorce and that its not me its him. He just never fell in love, but after reading this i can really see that i have not been fair and alot of this is my fault. I love him dearly and dont want to lose him.

    1. happymom and wife

      Kelly. First, i am deeply sorry to hear that you are going through such a devastating time. Please know that i will pray for you and your marriage. Secondly, it is not too late to save your marriage. There is a book that was written exactly for your situation. I think you will even find quotes from spouses ready to leave that sound exactly like what yours said to you. It is called Love Must Be Tough written by dr. James Dobson. He is a Christian writter and bases his work on the Bible. He will lay out for you exactlty what to do to keep your spouse. My marriage almost ended in 2009. His book saved my marriage. Please read it as soon as possible before talking to your husband about his desire to end it. Everything you do right now will either push him farther away or bring him back. He believes in wives submitting to their spouse and says so in his book, but absolutely do not panic and get clingy and beg him to stay, a natural reaction by the way. And while you should immediately start following the advice of the article quietly, absolutely do not present him with a list of all of the areas you think you need to improve as his wife. Until you can get his book, try to be as calm and unemotional as you can, I know that is hard, and tell him that while you hope he will stay, you want what is best for him and if he thinks that means leaving,he is free to go. Then keep your emotionsat bay, and keep him guessing at what your thoughts and feelings are by not sharing your every thought and deed. If he starts to wonder if he might be loosing you instead, you will be surprised at how quickly he puts the breaks on. But he will test you, so get the book. And lastly,don’t call him 15 times a day. Don’t call him unless he calls you and keep the coversation short and brief. Good luck.

    2. Barbara Smith

      Kelli – I am praying for you and your husband. I agree 100 percent that it is probably you. I don’t mean that in a condemning way, but I think that women are generally the initial problem, and don’t even realize – and neither do the husbands! We didn’t. Luckily God opened my eyes in time and it has been a miraculous transformation! May God bless your efforts. Another book I strongly recommend, though it is tough and pulls no punches, is Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl. Debi is not the most diplomatic, and you may not agree with everything, but she lays it on thick and I guess I really needed that. I needed to be grabbed by the back of the neck, and that book did it for me. Disregard all the criticism of the book floating around. If it speaks to your situation God will use it.

      I would be glad to correspond if you wish.
      Blessings, Barb

      1. Moleary

        This list was clearly made for a wife who doesn’t work outside the home. More than 70% of women do, so I think the cooking and cleaning parts are ridiculous. It should be a team effort. This list makes working mothers feel bad that they can’t accomplish all these things.

        Working full time with small children is hard enough without some ridiculous list to make men think this is what you “should” be doing.
        And I read the list if what husbands should do for their wives… And it was kind of lame. It wasn’t nearly as detailed… And didn’t mention that men should do half of the cleaning, cooking and childcare.
        You can’t possibly think it’s fair for a woman to work outside of the home and do all the crap on this list. Unbelievable!

  59. Amy

    I really like this! I do agree that men and women need to be equal in the home. But sacrificing and serving are the way we grow and learn together. Communicating respectfully is how to avoid becoming “walked-over”. Respect is becoming a lost courtesy and we should stand up for it no matter what you believe!

  60. Becky

    After reading the responses to these suggestions, I can really understand why the divorce rate is over 50%! If BOTH partners treated each other there would be a lot more happy marriages!!

  61. Pingback: 25 Ways a Wife Can Communicate Respect « PASTOR NOTES

  62. Jennifer

    This is the most ridiculous load of crap I’ve ever read! This list is an example of why women are not treated as equals to men. According to this list, it is a woman’s job to make meals, keep up a home, and allow her husband to be a lazy, ungrateful ass all while she makes sure she is sexually appealing to him. What a joke! I am a working woman who is also the bread-winner in my home. My husband and I divy up the workload around the house so neither of us is resentful of the other. Respect is not earned by acting like a maid, or slave, so women should disregard this ridiculous list!

  63. Melissa

    This is beautiful. I already do most of these things. My husband and I have a wonderful marriage. We’re approaching our 20th anniversary. We both treat each other with love and respect. I in no way feel like a servant. I do these things because I love him and he loves me. For those of you that don’t agree with these suggestions, go back and read the bible. It is all about loving people and putting others needs above our own. Don’t knock it till’ you try it!!! πŸ™‚

  64. Chris

    The Lord is very clear in His expectations regarding how husbands and wives treat each other. The list is spot on. The critics above simply have not studied the Lord’s commandments. His expectations on the husband are equally demanding. They include amoung others: unconditional love regardless whatever the wife would ever do (at any point in time – ever), demonstrating the heart of a servant 24/7/365 whether he feels like it or not, cherishing his wife ever minute of his life until he leaves this earth (that’s EVERY single minute), and up to and including laying down his very life for his wife if it would ever be required to protect her. Yep, sounds like the wife is really being taken advantage of here! (Please note heavy sarcasm in the last sentence.) If both spouses would embrace the Lord’s commandments, the level of joy in their marriage that they would experience would be beyond anything they could have imagined. As a husband, I am profoundly happy that my wife does practice the list above. It is my responsibility to ensure that I also follow the commandments that God has laid down for me. A marriage is a giving relationship. This is what the Lord intended. We should be more focused on how we are giving instead of what we think we are not getting. God knows what makes a successful marriage. He invented it.

      1. Jennifer Flanders Post author

        Your link references a Barna Group study, but misrepresents the data collected. The most recent numbers I could find indicate that Evangelical Christians enjoy a significantly lower divorce rate than the general populace (26% of the former have experienced at least one divorce, as opposed to 33% of the latter) — although those numbers are still admittedly high. It is also worth noting that born-again Christians are more likely to exchange marriage vows in the first place, with 84% marrying as opposed to only 65% of atheists and agnostics. It’s impossible to divorce if you never tie the knot to begin with.

  65. Laura

    Thank you for sharing. Respecting my husband is a learning process for me everyday. It seems he loves me like any man should love his wife daily. With the ways of the world out there respect is not something that came easily to me in the beginning. I just want to say thank you and I’m praying Gods blessing for you and your family.

  66. Terase

    I found I do a lot of what you have listed. I don’t believe in being doormat, but an equal to my husband. I am so lucky to have a wonderful man in my life. We treat each other with respect and love. It has worked for nearly 27 years and we expect it to continue for many more. If your husband is not respecting you in return, your marriage will not last. If we all just chose to do what works for our own union there will be peace, love and happiness. Not all of us can do everything on the list, but that is okay.

  67. sadia

    im sorry but there is nothing wrong with the above i believe equality for men and women but really what is wrong with this ….and also as women should do this men should do this too .Why do women these days think they dont need a man or they have to show attitude towords men .This doesnt mean you are a slave i believe it does depend on a man if a man treats you not in a positive way i wouldnt do all this for him no way but if he is loving caring respects you and everything else then i would

  68. Annette Robertson

    You are an honorable and selfless woman. Beautiful list and beautiful family! I too am saddened at the negative comments. Women have lost their way in our society. Submitting to a man in love is not slavery, it just takes maturity and understanding of who we were created to be.

    1. Standing

      “Lost their way”? So I’m the breadwinner, very successful professional, strong in character and morals, and I’ve lost my way because I don’t think it’s right that I should have to run home to my husband (who doesn’t work) and make him dinner? Get out of the house much? Have you missed the last 40 years where we’ve fought for our freedoms? You must really hate yourself and your gender.

  69. Veller

    I love this. This is how it should be. It makes me sad to see the comments calling this sort of love and devotion archaic. It doesn’t make me a slave in my marriage…it sets us both free.

  70. ABM

    Wow, I’m glad I married a human being and not a submissive doormat. Sure, she does all this for me… but I do it all for her too because I’m her husband, not her master. Go figure, that’s what can happen when you don’t let God tell you what your marriage should be.

  71. S. Stern

    # 10 alone made my skin crawl. shame on you.

    good xristian wifey? i am thankful i am both non married and an atheist.

    assuming that the male side is balanced and mentally healthy as to not take advantage of the bowing and scraping sends out the wrong message.

      1. Kara

        There’s a very big difference between being someone’s slave and employing the attitude that is outlined in this blog article. Slaves don’t have a choice to serve their masters. Submission by a wife is not servitude, in the sense you are attempting to use it. I CHOOSE to submit to my husband BECAUSE I love him. This does not mean he has the right to walk all over me, because the bible commands him to love me as Christ loves the church. It is equal, as my husband and I are both equal in God’s eyes, however it is part of a woman’s biblical calling to be a help-mate to her husband. Love it not just an emotion but an action and a choice. And it’s offensive to me that women think to serve your husband in love and respect is just slavery and being walked all over. There cannot be two heads in a family, and I’ve seen MANY families be destroyed over this. Women want this loving, respectful fairy-tale of a husband who treats them wonderfully at all times, but they don’t want to show the same type of reverence in return; that is not equality. This article is not old fashioned, she is making clear points that ARE in the Bible, so I would challenge any woman who is responding on here in offense and claims to be a Christian to examine what the Scriptures have to say on this topic as that should be our final authority in all things, not the opinion of other women, or our own self-serving emotions (which we all have).

  72. Marlys

    THis looks like something from the 50’s. I can relate to some of it but really if women want equality, we have to demand it and that starts with our husbands. I acted like this when I first got married 35 years ago and now my husband walks all over me. I didn’t demand he stop what he’s doing when a meal was ready, I was expected to have one but keep it warm. I never called him on things he did that I didn’t like and now he gets mad if I do. My daughter learned from my mistakes, she calls her husband on things and they have a wonderful marriage.

    1. Carmen60

      Nobody walks all over you unless you let them. You may have acted like this in the beginning but your husband did not hold up his end of the relationship. Communication is important and to not sweat the small stuff. You shouldn’t have to demand anything just expect it. This is true in any relationship. It is sad that women can’t appreciate themselves first and realize the goodness in them. It is only then that you are free to have a true and honest relationship w/ anyone. This is true whether you are Christian or not.

    2. Jen

      The female nazi movement has really effected marriages negatively over the years, I was one and still struggle with the whole equality thing therefore I really need to humble myself as the Lord asks of me and not be so rebellious (In our marriage we are one in Spirit)….. you will have problems by not applying God’s word. It’s not like He said it for no reason. God made us, don’t you think He knows best?
      Not saying human nature hasn’t taken advantage of this concept. But, if your both loving the Lord, you will be in unity and as equals.
      Women love naturally therefore God commanded us to respect. Men respect naturally therefore God commanded them to love. If one is not doing what is commanded of them it becomes a roller coaster.
      Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
      1 Peter 3:1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

      1. charon

        “Women love naturally therefore God commanded us to respect. Men respect naturally therefore God commanded them to love.”

        I wish this were true . . . from watching others and struggling with this sometimes, I don’t find it to be true.

        Christian or not, I see many, many men who don’t respect their women. Christian or not, I see many, many women who don’t love their men.

      2. Bethany Schut

        I find it terribly offensive that a woman would use the term “Female Nazi”. Talk about a lack of respect for your “sisters”.

      1. Tina

        Agreed… its pathetic and degrading to woman. Keep the house tidy? Don’t argue? Respond Physically? Please…

    3. erin-carter@att.net

      some of it sounds okay, but what about being equal, i dont think God put us on this earth to simply serve our husbands and obey them. He gave us a mind of our own, thats one of the things my hubby loves about me, i have my own thoughts and ideas and i voice them, not rudely, usually, but i am a strong independant person, who is a Christian woman and doesnt feel like i have to constantly be pleasing him, worrying about how he feels and what he wants. its a partnership, it has to be equal, not always about your husbands needs

    4. Nic

      No way are you serious??? Should we don a Lacey apron and fetch his paper and spoon feed him his dinner???

    5. Heidi

      First of all, Showing your husband respect is about showing him your love. You can do all of these things and still communicate your frustrations with him because communication is also a way of respecting and loving him. Secondly, God’s word never gets old or outdated and these are all Biblical principles! Please turn off the television and READ YOUR BIBLE! God created men and women with different roles in marriage and yours is to submit to your husband, PERIOD!

      1. Jennifer

        Amen!! I love that Jen has scripture to back up every single one of these points. If more women and men would turn to the Word for instruction, really seeking it with a true heart for God, instead of what everyone else was doing the divorce rate would drop dramatically!

    6. Steven Robertson

      It is funny (and very sad) to read what the women that post negatively on this topic. I know that they are 1) Non-religious 2) Un-faithful 3) Self-Centered 4) Spoiled Rotten or some combination of all four. Some women want all of the positives of being married and none of the negatives or to put it another way all take and no give. The fact that a large amount of women use sex as a commodity even in marriage is disgusting. Yes honey we can do what you want only if you buy me something expensive or take me here or do this for me… Women who say they do not act or would never act the way this article suggests are probably alone or involved in a bad relationship where the man neither respects nor honors her. My wife treats me with respect and I treat her with respect as well, that is the way we have always been even when we were teenagers and were friends. The fema-nazi movement has in large part, helped lead this country to the brink of destruction. Adolf Hitler and Nazi Germany may have been defeated in World War II but thier goal of destroying the United States of America is ongoing and likely to succeed. When women had to leave the homeplace and go to work in factories and other jobs that were previously held by thier husbands, brothers, and fathers, it created much discontent when the war was over and the women were asked to return to thier homes and they did not want to. Ladies if you truly respect yourselves then and only then can you respect your husband. You are special but do not think for a minute your husband will not leave you for another woman that treats him better than you do, because all other women are special too.

      1. Katrina

        The “fema-nazi” movement? Yes, because women doing things for themselves and being self sufficient will definitely DESTROY America. I think you are confused. America was founded upon the idea that everyone was created equally. It was Nazi Germany that thought that some people were better than others and everyone else was lesser. Your idea that women belong only in the homes and not in the workplace coincides more with the principles of fascism than it does with the Constitution of the United States. Before you try to compare feminism to fascism you should realize that you are the one with the fascist views.

  73. alliebee

    I can see that this post sparked some controversy, so let me just preface this by saying that I genuinely feel it is important to respect your husband. I am a Christian woman, I try as best as I can to follow the Bible’s teachings on marriage. That being said, while I agree with the main “points” as they are listed, the descriptions of these points are deeply troubling.

    I find them lacking in communication (you should absolutely discuss ‘the negative things’ with your husband… that is called accountability. It is a Biblical principle. I would ask him to do the same for me!) as well as being somewhat emotionally repressed. We can do all things through Christ. But it is a grave misunderstanding to believe that we can zip our lips, hold it in, and be molded into the women God created us to be. Instead, we need to find HEALTHY ways to express our feelings/ thoughts/ moods and ask for grace when we are expressing them in unhealthy ways. (The Bible is full of illustrations of emotional expression. It is healthy, necessary, and a part of being who we are.)

    Unfortunately, the “Christian” women who are flinging insults and such via the comments are doing nothing to promote the Gospel. To any woman who reads this blog post or the comments beneath it and is tempted to believe that the Bible is sexist or that Christian marriage lacks equality, please understand that this is not necessarily well supported by the Gospel. I apologize for this misrepresentation of Godly marriage.

  74. sarcasticcupcakes

    I don’t wear make-up daily (or often at all, because I have terribly oily skin), I am sarcastic, and I am definitely not a Stepford Wife.

    If I was suddenly “joyful” to make my husband happy, 24/7, he’d think I’d completely lost my mind.

    I dress for my own comfort and flattery, not to please him.

    I am a human being, and my husband loves me for me. I am not an extension of him, I do not exist to cater to his whims. I love him, respect him, and we pamper each other. You know what? Our relationship is awesome.

    I fail to see why the husband has the final say on everything. Does the penis grant some sort of magical decision-making power?

  75. Heather D

    I think women might be offended because they’re assuming the article is saying that women should do for their man and not expect the same in return. I’m assuming the writer could have titled the article 25 ways to respect your wife. Love is a two way street–both husband wife need to respect each other.

  76. Mari

    I’m getting married in two months and I really want to thank you for this great advice. Keeping these tips in mind will help me to build my relationships with both God and my husband.

  77. Aubrey

    I’m going to add my voice as well. This is one of the most sexists, and ridiculous thing I have ever read. Always making sure to dress how he pleases? Always responding positive to sexual advances even if you don’t want it, THAT’S CALLED RAPE CULTURE. Making sure dinner is ready right when he gets home? Letting him make all final decisions?!? Things like this are why we still need feminism today. Marriage isn’t between a dog and her master, marriage is between a man and a WOMAN. You can be a good wife/husband/partner without undermining yourself. You can be a good wife and still have your own mind!! This list, and the support its received makes me sick to my stomach.

    1. Aubrey

      oops- When I said marriage is between a man and a woman, I was just trying to emphasize that women shouldn’t have to feel less than themselves in a relationship. I believe in equal marriage.. just want to make that clear (:

      1. Newintown

        These comments are hilarious! This list could help many women improve their marriages and thats coming from someone who was raised by a feminist and does believe in a woman’s right to choose and all the rest of it. I am also married and have learned that equality doesn’t mean splitting everything 50/50 and striving for “equality”. No, it means acknowledging that men and women are equal in value but not forgetting we are different and have different needs. And I know that being generous and showing respect will improve any relationship. Its ok to be nice to your husband! Feminists wanted women to be equal in value in society, not become men themselves. Man, people are screwed up these days, aren’t they?

    2. jojoman

      While some of the items seem to only be there to preserve gender roles, like cooking and cleaning, the rest seem like pretty valid advice, which should be reciprocated by the husband. I’ll be honest, when I came to this article I only read the url: “25 ways to communicate respect”, and I was surprised to find that it was intended for the wife only.

      If you consider it advice for anyone in a marriage, it doesn’t really seem that unreasonable?

    3. speranzalnp

      So Aubrey, since I appreciate this list and by taking these things and applying them appropriately in my life I am much happier, I am in need of some “feminism”? Pretty sure I still have my own mind, looks like yours has been taken over by the American culture…Didn’t know making the effort to have sex when I’m tired but hubby is in the mood was considered rape, sounds kind of kinky to me, maybe it’ll help with that particular point! Lol!

  78. Melissa

    Jennifer,

    Thanks for writing such an incredible blog πŸ™‚ Both my parents and my husband’s parents have gone through tough divorces this last month and a great majority of the mistakes they made could have been avoided if they just both followed this advice. I look forward to more of your posts and advice.

  79. Ashley

    I think unconditional love should be added to it too πŸ™‚ My man tries SO hard to please me at all times in every way and sometimes he messes up and sometimes they’re big mess ups and the look on his face of “I failed you” can break anyone’s heart. I could yell at him for being forgetful and stupid or for not paying attention, but he already gets that. I love to tell him I love him and we’ll fix it or re plan something and everything will be fine and the look he gives me is heart melting. I feel the divorce rate is so hi because people forget the vows they made to each other. Or they are too self absorbed. I said he was ‘the one’ for a reason. I made a promise and I try and do this for him daily. I love how you were able to put it into words what a man needs because they sure can’t πŸ˜› And I find that if I do what I can to respect, love and please him, I receive the same. If people stopped worrying about what they’re going to get out of something and just loved for the sake of someone else’s happiness, the world be so much happier.

  80. Yuck

    This is 2012! Both of us work. So I am expected to always have his favorite meal ready and always have the house clean when I work too? Please. We both clean and take care of the kids in our house. I came on this site to get good advice, not advice on how to act inferior to your husband, become a slave of his and smile!

    1. Paige

      Reread the article, your comments are completely inaccurate if you actually read her descriptions of the points.

  81. kelly

    i don’t understand why people who disagree even bother to read this. What are they doing on this site to begin with? everyone has a right to an opinion, but why bother being so negative and mean? if you don’t like the page then don’t visit it. very simple. i, for one, LOVED this. Thank you!

  82. Shauna

    What about the women who work AND raise a family. Should we rush home and make sure everything is spotless before our “masters” come home?? NO- a marriage should be equal. In my household we both cook, clean and take care of our little one. It’s 2012 and I truly feel sorry for the women out there whose husbands treat their wives as if they are beneath them. I am so thankful I married a modern man who treats me so equal.

  83. Christine

    I do a lot of these things but to make them rules is completely simpleminded. A husband needs a partner. You need to have mutual respect. To say if you follow these simple rules and never let your feels show is asinine.

  84. Chris

    I read this list this morning as my husband was leaving to work out of town 6 days a week to provide for our family. He works a dangerous job,most would not even consider working in his industry. As I read the list I was mentally checking off to see if I had missed any of them while he was here for the short 36 hours that he is each week. I found y post uplifting and encouraging. I am printing it off as a reminder everyday to do things as if he were here so that I will honor him even in his absence so that our children will see me respecting him. I also read over the men’s list, I found it right on the money and pray that our children will have marriages that are biblically based and sound!!! I love being a Christian wife even though so many degrade me for doing so. I will continue to do so even with the nasty hate mongering, my family is very happy, not without its struggles, very happy non the less. Our children see 2 loving parents who want to please one another and are happy to do what is needed to make that happen (without sacrificing self) which is NOT what this list speaks of doing!!! Thank you Jennifer!!!

  85. Paige

    I wish I could go through and respond to each and every negative comment about this post. I’m marrying the love of my life next year and am loving reading all different ways to make our marriage as strong as possible. This list is filled with wonderful suggestions that I have found in different words in many books about marriage.

    I do not find the list to be demeaning in any way, as it is only suggestions of how women can show respect to their husbands. My fiance and I have had many conversations about what we feel will help us have the happiest marriage we can. He values my need to be loved and cared for and I value his need to be loved and respected, and we both value communication as a way of continually understanding each other.

    As for the points that people seem to be getting so worked up about:

    Honor his wishes: This does not mean you always have to do what he wants!! It is just suggesting that when you honor what means most to him, he’ll feel respected. And when men feel respected, they feel loved.

    Respond physically: In no way is this to be taken as allowing your spouse to “rape” you!! Men are biologically inclined to be more physical than women. This point, in it’s context, asks women to remember this. Physical touch is so important in cultivating a healthy relationship, yet all too often women only recognize what they are in the mood for. But it can be such a great thing to also consider your husband’s mood and respond positively to it!! Maybe not always, but when you do, he will feel respected.

    Dress to please him: Women, think about it, would you appreciate it if your husband dressed like a slob? Or wore those pants that you absolutely cannot stand? NO! You may allow him to, but him doing that will not make you feel loved or respected. I greatly value my fiance’s opinion when it comes to what I wear, because I love knowing that he likes what I’m wearing. And I also enjoy taking care of myself, partially because I want to look good for him, but mostly because I think it conveys a respect for myself!! So when I dress to please him, I am also dressing to please myself. I would never wear something I didn’t like, but it’s a bonus knowing he likes what I wear.

    Keep the house tidy: She says, “to the best of your abilities.” She does not say, “always have your house spotless.” She also does not say, “do all of the cleaning with no help.” My fiance cannot stand messes, therefore I try to keep things quite neat. Does this mean every surface in my home is cleared off? No. But it does mean that I can make more of an effort to do something that relieves his stress. And if he feels something needs to be tidier, he does it! But he still appreciates when I tidy things for him, even when it isn’t quite to his standards.

    Take his advice: She does not say, “always take his advice.” She says, “do not dismiss his opinions lightly.” I’m sure all of the women leaving negative comments on here hate when their opinions are dismissed, so doesn’t it make sense that a man will feel respected when we give weight to his opinion? Even if we don’t take his advice, I think it speaks greatly to a relationship when we can show that we considered it and only after a lot of thought came to the conclusion that a different route was better.

    Follow his lead: This is not meant as advice for those decisions that should absolutely be made as a couple. What this point does convey is that a husband would feel greatly respected if his wife showed that she trusted him enough to be the final decision maker.

    I could speak of all of the other points, but that would be quite the comment. So lastly, I just want to point out the title of the article, “25 Ways to Communicate Respect”. This is not a list of must-dos, this is not a list of things that if not done will make a marriage fail. Relationships are a two way street, which is why husbands should do everything in their power to show love and a mutual, albeit somewhat different, respect for their wives. This list was meant for women, so those that disagree are not recognizing that there are lists out there that are filled with ways husbands can cherish their wives.

    Though I fail at some things on the list, I think it is filled with great reminders of how wives can interact with their husbands to strengthen a marriage.

  86. Cindy

    It is so weird to me that women think that showing their husband respect somehow makes them weak or controlled. I have been married for 23 years to a husband I have a great deal of respect for and him for me. We both try to practice many of these points, and for the most part are pretty successful at it. There is nothing wrong with putting your husbands needs before yours sometimes, because in a long marriage he will also have to do the same for you. For all the people outraged by this list, don’t do any of them. For those not sure, try a few. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised!

    1. sarcasticcupcakes

      But you show it to each other. This list is about being a Stepford Wife. I am not subservient to my husband. We are EQUALS. We love, respect, and pamper each other. It isn’t a one-way street.

  87. Paula

    I think a lot of times in our culture especially we (women) feel a need to protect ourselves form being taken advantage of. Historically women have been undervalued and mistreated, but should we let that color our behavior for the rest of time? Times have changed and so have the men. I have been guilty of this behavior myself. Not long ago, a woman I really respect (she has a great marriage and wonderful children) she made a comment during a sunday school lesson about the key to a happy marriage is putting our spouse’s needs above our own. I found myself thinking, “FALSE!” But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that selfishness (which is the root of this attitude) is an enemy to happiness. Hopefully the man you have chosen to be your life companion is a righteous man who wants to do good. If he is, then you will find that if you spend time trying to lift him up that he will do the same for you! Being treated well, makes you feel good and increases your feelings of love and warmth toward your spouse. I will be forever grateful for the advice my husband and i received on our wedding day. An older man who had been happily married for 45 years advised us to take time EVERY week to tell each other 5 things that we love about each other, the rules are you have to think of new things every week. I was amazed to see how this simple act changed my perspective on my husband. I found myself looking for the good in him and appreciating him even more than I had before (and we were newly weds, I was already in head over heels blind love with him). Over the years we have continued to take time to appreciate each other every week and have been blessed with additional love and appreciation for each other’s strengths and forgiveness for each other’s weaknesses. So in summary, trust your spouse to return the respect and love that you offer him! Don’t be afraid to put him first, you will find enormous joy if you do.

  88. Crystal

    All I can say is half this list don’t work well for a mom of six kids who also has a full time job! Dinner is hardley ever ready when he comes home. I will not say I’m sorry for it, he gets home before me, if he don’t like it he should have made it himself. Marriage is an equal partnership, in oder to make it work, both people need to respect each other, help each other, and support each other. It is not a let me sit back wait on you hand and foot, take care of the kids, while you sit and relax. I did read the otherlist for men and feel the same way. Yes do we need some extra help and this and that of course, but what we really need if for you guys to come home from work just like us and do the things that need to be done ( dinner, kid stuff, house stuff) with us. Not just some, but an equal part so will have family time then alone time together. It is 2012 and most families have to have two working people to make it!

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