EP 111: Are You Up for a Challenge?

You might think that after nearly four decades, we’d have this marriage thing down pat. That by now, the hard work would be behind us. That maybe we could just coast through the rest of our marriage with the wind on our faces, enjoying the view.

But being married is like riding a bike. You can only coast for so long before losing your momentum and falling over. You’ve got to keep pedaling if you don’t want to crash.

One way I’ve kept peddling is by taking the challenge I’m sharing on the podcast this week. Maybe you’d like to join me? Listen in to here more about it.

Are You Up for a Challenge?

Complete transcript from Episode 111

I have a fun challenge for you today, but before I explain what it is, I want to tell you what I’ve been up to this past week. 

Last Thursday, April 23, marked the 40-year anniversary of the day I met my husband. That life-changing event occurred less than 24 hours after he turned 19 and about 48 hours after I turned 21. And so, historically, Doug takes that full week off every year so we go somewhere together to celebrate. 

We normally take the kids along with us, but this year he scheduled some continuing medical education classes in New Orleans that week, and since the only rooms available had a single king size bed, the two of us ended up going alone.

A Weekend Away

In 39 years of marriage, I’m pretty sure that was only the fourth or fifth time we’ve ever taken a trip without the kids.

The first was for a marriage retreat, our church sponsored. Unbeknownst to us, though, we had separate accommodations for that weekend away — not very romantic! All the men bunked in one cabin and their wives shared a different cabin. Doug and I ended up going home early so we could enjoy some privacy!

The second trip the two of us took alone was for a three-day blogging conference I attended in Florida, and my husband came as my plus-one. 

The third time we took a trip without the kids was for a physicians conference he attended in Denver, Colorado. Unfortunately, his group made all the arrangements, which meant we ended up flying on separate planes and taking separate taxis to the hotel, but we did get to spend a few days together there when he was not in meetings.

Doug surprised me with a night at the Emma Hotel in San Antonio last Christmas, but I don’t know if that should count as a solo trip or not, since most of our kids — including the married ones — were with us for that whole week in San Antonio. But they all stayed at the Airbnb. We had rented for the occasion while we checked into the Emma for 24 hours. They even came by a couple of times while we were dining at a French restaurant in the historic Pearl District, and shared our appetizers and desserts. 

My husband was a little disappointed. I did not act more excited about that surprise when he sprung it on me, so I planned a surprise for him a few months later in the form of a weekend trip to Shreveport. That trip was a a little bit of a bust. Shreveport is famous for its casinos, but we don’t gamble, so that was no attraction for us. and the quaint little shopping district that we remembered from a prior trip was a virtual ghost town as 95% of the shops went out of business during the Covid pandemic however, our hotel was lovely, we enjoyed stopping on the way at an alligator farm where where we got to pet and feed Highland cows and alpacas and other exotic animals.

So I guess maybe the New Orleans trip last weekend was the sixth trip, provided you count the marriage retreat with segregated accommodations and the date night in San Antonio in the middle of a weeklong family vacation.

We had a wonderful time. While he attended anesthesia lectures in the morning, I stayed in the room to read, write, and crochet. Then, once he was done with his classes for the day, we’d eat lunch together and spend the afternoons sightseeing. We visited the botanical gardens and Storyland and rode the miniature train around City Park. We drove out to Oak Alley Plantation and enjoyed the beautiful grounds, manicured gardens, and historic home tour there. We strolled along the river front and visited Jackson Square. And we enjoyed fabulous food at every meal – French cuisine, Honduran fare, Mediterranean meals, and Mexican food. All top-notch. I’ll link to a few (more) photos in today’s show notes in case you’re curious.

But as wonderful and refreshing as this trip was—and as glad I am that we took it—we both found ourselves thinking a lot about our kids while we were away, and seeing things we wish we could share with them.

And that makes me grateful we’ve taken the vast majority of our trips over the past four decades with children in tow. They grow up and leave home so fast, and we could never get back the opportunity to make such rich memories together if we’d been traveling solo during all those intervening years.

If the LORD tarries and our health holds out, I suspect we will have a lot more opportunities for just-the-two-of-us trips in our not-too-distant future. We may not have any other choice once our last few fledglings leave the nest and fly away.

Fortunately, there are lots of ways to nurture your marriage that don’t require nights away or extended hotel stays. I’ll link a few suggestions in the show notes to get you started: date night ideas (even for spouses who prefer to stay home), helpful marriage book recommendations, and free printable do-not-disturb signs for your bedroom door.

I’ll also include links for my 30-day respect challenge for wives and Doug’s 30-day love challenge for husbands.

30-Day Respect Challenge

Several years ago, a women’s ministry I love and have found to be such a blessing through the years, Revive Your Hearts, contacted me about turning my book, 25 Ways to Communicate Respect, into a 30-day Challenge.

I enthusiastically agreed and provided the extra five days worth of material they requested, then waited eagerly for their design team to get everything else ready.

Once it went live, I immediately signed up for it, wanting to experience the challenge myself and thinking it would be a nice review. At least on a subconscious level, I imagined myself being able to check, check, check off each day’s challenge. After all, I wrote the book. It should be old hat by now, right?

If you are anything like me, you might think, after having spent more than a quarter of a century together (when this challenge was first published) – and nearly 39 years together now—that a couple should have this marriage thing down pat.

You might think that, by that time, the hard work would be behind you. That maybe you and your husband should be able to just coast through the rest of your marriage with the wind on your faces, enjoying the view.

You might also think that writing books on love and respect would so cement those concepts in my mind that I’d no longer struggle with them myself. But if you thought any of those things (like I’m prone to do in my naiveté), you’d be wrong.

Marriage is like riding a bike. You can only coast for so long before losing your momentum and falling over. You’ve got to keep pedaling if you don’t want to crash.

We’ve got to keep pedaling

Well, that fact became abundantly clear when the first day’s challenge was delivered to my inbox bright and early one Sunday morning so long ago. It took all of sixty seconds to read the email, but it brought with it something I wasn’t really expecting: Conviction.

Not initially, but within an hour of reading it.

I’d checked my email before church and found the first day’s challenge waiting for me: CHOOSE JOY.

Been there. Done that. I’m a naturally happy person, so I marked that off my list and moved on.

Flash forward forty-five minutes, and I was sitting at the breakfast table in a local bagel cafe listening to my husband recount how he’d fed the goldfish before we left for church that morning.

At the time, we had an unusually friendly goldfish named Gill who lived in a bowl on the ledge behind our kitchen sink. He would swim to our side of the bowl every time anybody comes into the kitchen, wagging his tail like a puppy and begging for food. My husband, especially, found that behavior impossible to resist.

But unbeknownst to Doug, I’d already fed the fish when I first got up that morning. And I’d changed out the water in his fishbowl, too.

And so I immediately began quizzing my husband on how many pellets he’d dropped into the bowl. And I reminded him that if he gives the fish more than three or four at a time, they sink to the bottom faster than Gill can eat them. And I tried to explain that when food sits in the bottom of the bowl, it turns the water murky, which means I have to change it every other day instead of once or twice a week.

Can you sense what was happening there? I was getting testy over four extra flakes of fish food! My sweet husband had been as generous with the fish as he is with all the people in his life, and I was letting that fact threaten to steal my joy.

That’s how easily I’m tripped up at times. Can you believe it?

But fortunately for all of us, that first day’s challenge was fresh on my mind, and it helped me to recognize this situation for what it truly was: An opportunity to CHOOSE JOY. A chance to practice what I preach. A moment that called for grace and love and respect and thankfulness.

And so, mid-way into my exasperated lecture on The Proper Way to Feed a Fish, I stopped and chose to laugh instead.

I smiled at my husband and told him how much I love him. Our family had an absolutely wonderful day worshipping together, sharing meals, and fellowshipping with dear friends.

And guess what? The fishbowl still looked crystal clear when we got back home.

It’s been a few years since I’ve worked my way through that 30-Day respect challenge, but thinking over the positive effect it had that first time went through it, I plan to do it again during the month of May. I suspect it will once more prove to be a great time of growth for me and of blessing for my husband.

Ready to sign up?

Want to join me? It’s free. You can register for the email challenge using the link in today’s show notes.

If you’d like more than a 60-second synopsis of each chapter, you might prefer to buy the book. It’s available in paperback, digital, and audio formats.

The Word of God is full of wisdom for every facet of life, but we’ve found it especially helpful in building a happy, healthy marriage. For a fascinating look at how science has confirmed the superiority of God’s design, check out my book Love Your Husband, Love Yourself. Follow the show note links for more about any or all of these resources.

Thanks so much for joining me today. Leave a comment and let me know if you decide to join me for the 30-day Respect Challenge. As always, I hope it will be an encouragement to you, and pray that God will richly blessing all your efforts to build a loving home life centered on Him.

[NOTE: This episode is based on a blog post I originally published on August 18, 2014 and updated in April 2026]