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  1. Hi. I just recently found your blog when I went searching for “do not disturb parents”…looking for ideas for what to do about “getting away” during the day without having to allow more screen time every time (that’s the go-to since no one’s napping anymore!).

    My husband’s work schedule has shifted earlier, so “after bedtime” he’s just too tired. He works from home and we homeschool…and he’s often interested midday/afternoon which is just tough.

    My children are just 6, 8, and 10 and screen time or a beloved show will keep them busy…but I just can’t stand to think that they will “know” what’s happening when we disappear behind the closed door. It’s very distracting for me.

    I’m not sure if they “get it” yet (they do all know about sex and God’s plan for marriage!), but I’m starting to think maybe I could/should get over it. I’m psyching myself up to make up a door hanger and embrace it! I appreciate your encouragement.

    1. I’m glad you found us, Katy, and hope by now you’ve psyched yourself up enough to prioritize intimacy, whether you ever print a door hanger or not. Try to banish the thought “my children will know what I’m doing” from your mind. It really is not that big a deal, even if they do.

      Your children likely know what you’re doing when you disappear behind the bathroom, too. But that thought doesn’t stop you from using the toilet or taking a bath or shower when you need to, does it? Try to move sex into the same mental category. Treat it matter-of-factly, as a normal, necessary a part of life.

      Also, it is perfectly acceptable for you to enjoy sex, just like it is okay for you to enjoy soaking in a hot bath. In the same way that bathing, brushing your teeth, and washing your hair are vital to your health and hygiene, regularly setting aside time for intimacy is vital to your marriage.

      Your kids are fully capable of accepting that fact. If you don’t act mortified or embarrassed when the topic comes up, they’ll be less likely to do make a big deal out of it, too.

      As for keeping them occupied while you take time out to spend with your husband, giving them a little screen time is acceptable — especially if they don’t spend a lot of time on digital devices during the rest of the day. You may also find some suitable distractions in this printable: Encouraging Creativity in Children (judge for yourself which of these activities your kids could handle without close supervision).

      When ours were little, we didn’t want them roaming the neighborhood while we were occupied with one another, but neither did we want to turn them loose in the house with paint or permanent markers. Legos, building blocks, puzzles, and coloring books were our go-to supplies that allowed them to be creative without our having to worry they’d make a mess they couldn’t clean up.

  2. Reading this has brought a lot of LOL and joy for me because I am one of those who waits until our young adult children go to bed. And sometimes we are tired, because they sit up late, too. So, yes I did enjoy this reading. Thank you soooooooo very much for the information. May God bless you. Keep on doing want God has laid on your heart.

  3. I loved your part in this documentary! That was fantastic!

    Those doorknob hangers are too funny, love them. But I still don’t think I could use them. Your take is interesting – I was wondering about that now that my son is a teen. I still want to sneak around, but my husband pretty much said what you did. Thanks for your take!

    1. Ha, my kids just discovered that post tonight. Some of the younger ones didn’t actually know the story behind why we even use such a sign, but when they heard about their brother walking in on us, they all agreed they’re glad we hang notice on the door. They looked through all the designs and each voted on the one they’d be most likely to use some day when they’re married. My 9-year-old daughter favors “Keep Out or Gross Out.” Her 19-year-old sister prefers the “Biology Lab in Progress.” And our 14-year-old son thinks the “Don’t Come A-Knockin'” sign is hilarious (although he may have trouble talking his future wife into using that one). Ha!

  4. Although I knew our little sign would serve a practical purpose, I intended it to be more of an inside joke. Something for our family to wink at in the privacy of our own home.

    But then a BBC camera crew spotted it while filming in our home the following summer and questioned us about it. The star of the documentary, Miriam Margolyes, was scandalized by the thought that we’d hang a sign on our bedroom door to let the kids know when and why to refrain from knocking. Such candidness left her “bereft of words.”

    That special aired in the UK long ago, but is sadly unavailable in the US.

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