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  1. My son will be turning 27 in December. He too is a christian man saving himself as well! We live in a small town in California and most of the women his age in his circle of friends have gotten married. He hopes to marry one day and have a family. We always say that God already knows who she is and in His time He will bring her to him or him to her.

  2. Hi!! I married at 37 so I was single for a very long time. What I learned during that time is that instead of waiting for a husband, God was asking 2nd to embrace being single . there was sometbing really important that he needed from me that required me not being committed to a husband and family. I embraced spiritual motherhood and ministered to my sister and friends who were married by being there for them by babysitting, cooking, going out for coffee/dinner, and just listening to them.

    I also saw that time as a special time to draw closer to Christ. I was able to attend retreat and spend more time in prayer. I would ask Jesus for advice and tell him my problems. I was so reliant on and close to Jesus that when my husband did come along. I felt like I was cheating on Jesus. Lol

    My point is that God has you right where he needs you to be right now. He may even want you to himself forever and that’s not a bad thing.

    1. I think yours is the best response to prolonged singleness — busy yourself encouraging and helping others as you wait patiently for God to supply a spouse in his perfect timing, if doing so is indeed part of his plan for you. So glad to hear that, in your case, it was!

  3. What Cheryl Parrott said spoke to me and I would like to add something from the flip-side, if that’s ok; As she pointed out, so many women (and men, for that matter) feel “sullied” or “worthless” because they messed up or gave their virginity to someone at the wrong time.
    I was one of those people.
    My longtime boyfriend and I slipped up in a moment of emotional and physical weakness one day and became each other’s firsts, and it felt like the world had ended. Not because of the experience itself which as you know is beautiful and unlike anything else, but because of the fear of others finding out and thinking that we were Godless sinners because of our mistake.

    We sought council from people who told us that essentially we had to get married right then or else God would never bless us again and our future would be dark, probably ending in divorce.
    We’ve since stopped all physical contact that would lead to another mess-up and are seeking God’s will for our future together, but have disregarded the harmful words from those people. It took us a long time to bounce back from what they told us, but the truth is God still loves us, and we’re not worthless. We’ve grown exponentially from this experience, and believe wholeheartedly that our future together (and the marriage that is planned) will be God-honoring and blessed regardless of our mess-up.

    God wants us all to be close to Him and obey His commands by waiting for marriage, but what we as Christians need to be telling people is that if you slip up, you’re not “used-up duct tape.” You’re not worthless, you’re not unlovable. Like any sin, you need to repent and turn away from/stop engaging in it, but God won’t love you any less because you sinned. He doesn’t want you to beat yourself up (or Heaven forbid, have other do it for you) over a mess-up.

    You’re not the sum of your sins, you’re not useless because you gave up “the v-card.”

    God loves you, no matter what.

    1. I am so glad you wrote this response – I don’t know if this was your experience or not, but I remember as a young teenager hearing all kinds of youth sermons that focused SO much on not having sex that I began to believe in my own mind that it was its own special category of sin that was infinitely and unforgivably worse than any other thing I could do. I remember hearing sermons about “Ladies you’re a toothbrush and you better not let too many boys use you because nobody wants a used toothbrush because that’s just ICKY.” And while I understand that the aim there was to protect us and challenge us to live a holy life, the subconscious takeaway message was (a) girls are items to be used (just like toothbrushes!) and (b) once they’ve been used, they’re worthless and even God thinks they’re disgusting. Let me be clear this is NOT the message I was taught at home at ALL, but it is the message that I and many others received through all the imperfect metaphors of youth group purity culture. And since the boys were never told that they were toothbrushes, it was almost exclusively the women who believed their entire worth and value as Christians and as human being was in their purity or lack thereof. I don’t think that’s healthy or Biblical. There are many, many good reasons to wait, both emotionally and biologically, but even more important than our ability to avoid stumbling is the understanding that even when we stumble (as humans inevitably do), CHRIST LOVES US. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. He has removed our sins as far as the east is from the west. No height nor depth can separate us from His great love. Though purity in all its forms is something we as believers should strive for, I hope that in our attempts to “be holy as He is holy,” we do not lose sight of the beauty and power of the Gospel and of a God who loves us in spite and in the midst of our brokenness. So thank you for sharing your story and please know that as I shared my own it was not with the intent to elevate myself or my choices, but to say that even when you “do everything right” according to that youth culture we know so well, it doesn’t mean that God will instantly reward you with a superstar husband and phenomenal sex life as soon as you turn 20. Sometimes it means you just feel extra lonely for an extra long time, and even in the midst of that we can still say “I trust that He has a purpose and I trust that He is good.”

  4. Beautiful, as a counsellor who ministers to many many women who “opened the box of their beanie bear”and now feel sullied, it’s heart breaking.

  5. Bethany, I could not agree more with every word written by you here!! I am also waiting for the man I KNOW God has separated for me. You’re not alone, and I believe there are more girls who think like us out there! It is always worth waiting on God!! 🙂 Jennifer, I believe you did a great job raising a virtuous woman, and I am going to take every tip I can from you so I can do the same one day! 🙂

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