Every man craves respect. I think that deep desire to be well-esteemed by family, friends, and foe alike is hardwired into the Y-chromosome. The vast majority of men value respect even over love.
One of the most powerful things you can do to build up your man and strengthen your marriage is to shower your husband with the respect and admiration he so longs for.
The details may differ from family to family, but the underlining principles remain the same.
How Does Your Husband Spell Respect?
Here’s how my husband spells respect. And there’s a good chance yours spells it this way, too:
R = Respond Physically
Of all your husband’s needs, this is the one that only you can legitimately address. If you pour all your energies into being a good wife in every other way, but marginalize or neglect the area of physical intimacy, then you have failed.
God designed this one-flesh union to be uniquely characteristic of marriage. Your husband will never feel completely respected as long as you habitually turn him down or slap him away when he tries to get physically close.
E = Express Sincere Thanks
Be grateful for the many things — big and little — your husband does for you, and thank him every time. Show him that you appreciate him in whatever way speaks most clearly to him.
Don’t take your husband for granted and don’t saddle him with expectations. Expectations lead only to discontent. If your husband preforms well, he’ll get no special acknowledgement or show of gratitude, because he was only doing what you expected. If he doesn’t, you’ll feel slighted and angry, and he won’t know why.
“There is no such thing as gratitude unexpressed. If it is unexpressed, it is plain, old-fashioned ingratitude.” – Robert Brault
S = Silence Can Be Golden
“If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” I’m not advocating giving your husband a cold shoulder, but neither should you give him a piece of your mind. Sometimes it’s better to just keep your mouth shut.
The ability to hold our tongue is an underutilized skill for many of us. Yet, the Bible tells us we should “not let any unwholesome speech come out of [our] mouths, but only what is good for building others up, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29)
So next time you are tempted to nag, argue, gripe, or belittle, keep these verses in mind: Proverbs 21:19, Philippians 4:8, Colossians 3:8
“Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid.” – Harlan Miller
P = Pray with and for Him
Prayer is key to a strong marriage. Don’t wait until your marriage is in trouble to pray. By faithfully bringing your husband to the Throne of Grace — even when things are going well — you can head off a lot of problems before they ever arise.
Don’t just stop at praying for your husband. If he is willing, make it a daily habit to pray with him, as well. Couples who regularly pray together are far less likely to divorce.
E = Emphasize His Good Points
Just as you would rather he dwell on your most praiseworthy attributes than to focus his attention on all your flaws, your husband will also feel better loved and respected when you are expressing admiration instead of fault-finding and nit-picking.
Focus your attention on those traits that first attracted you to your husband. Emphasize his most noble features.
If you will make your default attitude one of warm approval and respect, then on the rare occasion you do need to discuss a concern, your husband will be far more likely to take it to heart.
C = Choose Joy
What does being joyful have to do with communicating respect?
More than you might think!
A smiling, jovial wife announces to the world, “My husband knows how to make me happy!” But a sour, malcontent wife broadcasts the opposite message. A wife who shames her husband “is as rottenness in his bones.” (Proverbs 12:24)
Choose to cultivate a happy, joyful attitude, regardless of your circumstances. In fact, the Bible tells us we should rejoice, even in the midst of trials and tribulations, knowing that God uses difficult circumstances to teach us patience, to build our endurance, and to mold us into the character of Christ. (James 1:2-3; Matthew 5:11-12)
T = Take His Advice
Undoubtedly you’ve already noticed that your husband tends to look at things differently than you. His unique perspective, together with the way most men’s brains are wired for problem solving, offers you a unique opportunity to get “outside the box” when looking at problems or challenges.
Listen to your husband. Hear what he is saying to you. Don’t get defensive or discount his opinion, but try to see things from his perspective and honor his wishes. God will greatly bless you when you do.
Need some practice to help this all sink in? Then sign up for my 30-Day Respect Challenge. You’ll receive helpful tips and reminders delivered straight to your inbox, every day for a month.
Give your husband something he will really appreciate. Give him RESPECT! And if you really want to get specific, ask him how he’d like you to spell it.
Carole Kay says
Educative and enlightening
Very nice. this is what I was searching for. Thanks
Submissive Esquire says
Reblogged this on Classical Marriage in a Modern World and commented:
I’ve been thinking a lot about respect lately and how I fail so miserably to show it to my husband. I thought this blogger summed it up nicely. (The blogger refers to the Bible, but even if you aren’t “into” that, most of the points are still quite valid). Enjoy!
Ivon Nakubilia says
Hi mum .every post you post is very wonderfull.loving life at home.may God bless you all.ivon
This is a hard pill for me to swallow today. But I need it. I am just as responsible (maybe more so) for the discontent in our home and marriage. The Holy Spirit really knows how and when to speak to us and timing couldn’t be more perfect. Thank you for this and the 30 day challenge I just joined, I look forward to it.
Dear Jennifer, I stumbled upon your blog two years ago. Since then, God has used your words to radically change my marriage. I married my highschool sweetheart, so I’ve always had a good marriage, but the depth and pure awesomeness that has resulted from respect is amazing. Thank you for being candid but more importantly His vessel. Merry Christmas from a satisfied wife of over 11 years!!!!
This is just what I needed to read this morning. Thank you!!