7 Reasons to Prioritize Sex in Marriage

Here’s a handy chart that details just a few of the myriad benefits available to couples who choose not to neglect marital intimacy. I’ve addressed these remarks to wives because (1) I am writing to women in the spirit of Titus 2:3-5 and (2) when evaluating the importance of sex in marriage, women have historically required a little more convincing then men.

Of course, there are exceptions to almost every rule, so if you’re dealing with a disinterested husband, show this list to him, since rekindling that fire will benefit him as much as it will you.

It should also be noted that when sex is pursued outside the context of marriage, many of these benefits are negated or even reversed. Promiscuity and infidelity increase your susceptibility to disease, cause premature aging, erode trust and stability in marriage, and promote unhealthy attitudes towards sex and marriage in children, to name just a few.

You’ll find details on all the studies cited above (and more!) in my book, LOVE YOUR HUSBAND/ LOVE YOURSELF.

Which of the seven benefits mentioned in this infographic do you find most appealing? Most convicting?

19 thoughts on “7 Reasons to Prioritize Sex in Marriage

  1. I just stumbled on this blog today and I am almost in tears. I have been married a little over a year and and took on 3 step children and within months of being married we got pregnant and now have a wonderful 9 month old. I’m exhausted to say the least. We started seeing a councilor about a year into our marriage and I believe I have learned more from your posts in the last 30 minutes than in the last 6 months. Last night my husband asked why we never have sex and I didn’t have an answer and rolled over and went to sleep. I don’t have a very good self image of myself and don’t always see what he sees…This morning he told me I should be a Victoria Secret Model…I just laughed at him. Instead I should have been pleased and proud that he can look beyond all my flaws and see something beautiful. I learned today that I first need to turn to God more often and second turn to my husband so that I too can see the beautiful person he sees.

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    • Joanne,
      I understand where you are coming from. I love my husband very much but for the last year, I have had trouble being interested in sex. Most of the time, it doesn’t do much for me, but I try. My husband and I have talked and we decided to have sex once a week to see what that would do. Honestly, sometimes, I feel like he has sex with me because there are no other options (other than cheating), but it has to be me that is causing this issue. I used to be super confident and now I laugh like you when my hubs tells me I am beautiful.But it has to come from us to feel beautiful. Maybe we can start believing our guys? Hang in there, Joanne, I have hard days too with my little guys and my writing job.

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    • Joanne
      It is so challenging when our own self image is reduced to the point we wonder how could anyone desire me. I understand that feeling, it happened to me. It does effect intimacy..I was embarrased of how I looked after gaining 54 pounds to thyroid cancer. Nothing fit so it was a daily reminder that I wasn’t who I once was. I’ve lost 20 of those pounds and it is a challenge each day to continue working at that. My husband still wanted me when I was heavier and still wants me now. I have to change my own perception of who I am and how I appear…this is something that I had to deal with personally, so I could get out of feeling so “less than” all the time. I hope that you have made some time for yourself, salon time, I know it sounds superficial, but a nice hair cut, a manicure and pedicure each month, really helps how I feel about myself :)

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  2. I encourage everyone who feels convicted by this post to read Created to Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl. I realized how cruel I had been all those years when I was “not interested” in sex! I thought I should only have sex when I was “interested”! Otherwise it’s like prostitution, right?! Wrong! Not if it’s your husband! You are doing it for him. It is a precious gift to him that only his wife can give. And when I saw it that way it turned things around for me completely. I do love him and want to give him gifts, but for some reason I just never saw it that way. Debi’s book pointed me in the right direction and guess what? Suddenly I was “interested” because I was totally focused on my husband and not on myself and my own needs, or lack there of.
    When I explained how I had been viewing it my husband said every time I pushed him away he felt totally rejected!! AAAHHHH! 33 years of rejection! How blind could I be!
    Now we sleep snuggled up next to each other all night – which hasn’t happened since having children umpty years ago. And he is affectionate during the day as well – another thing I have been missing.

    I blame feminism for my bad attitude and pray that I can help younger women, and my daughters, to see where women are being duped. Husbands need sex like plants need water. With it they bloom and without it they wither. It’s a fact.

    Blessings to all,
    Barb

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    • When the kids were little and walked in, we explained it as “Daddy/ Mommy time”. As they got older and society taught them more, it didn’t take them long to realize what had been going on. When spouses are intimate and loving, they are inside each other’s space in a way that just doesn’t happen with any other relationship. When it’s a healthy & happy love, it’s an excellent testimony for the children to look forward to… a perk to being married. It’s not about “sex” in a vulgar & inappropriate manner being paraded in front of kids. It’s about intimacy between a Man and Wife that just happen to be Dad and Mom too.

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  3. This is a great infograph and I have to say the #3 is one that resonates with me. My husband and I have been scheduling sex for close to 3 years now and I will be the first to say that it has impacted my life in many ways. Believe me I wasn’t one who was sure this would be the way to keep sex a priority in our marriage, but it has.

    Thanks again for sharing this.

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    • Alicia – the above infographic is based on data presented in my book, Love Your Husband/Love Yourself, the first 11 chapters (152 pages) of which is devoted exclusively to the myriad benefits of maintaining an active sex life in the context of marriage. Those listed above barely even scratch the surface. The claims presented are thoroughly researched and backed up with multiple scientific studies and statistical analysis, documented in another 30 pages of endnotes and bibliography.

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  4. It makes me sad that there are so many women who have to be convinced that sex is good and fun and will make a relationship better. Feminism is not the root cause of women’s negative feelings about sex and our bodies. Our society perpetuates the notion that women should be ashamed of our sexual desires, lest we be called loose, easy, etc. We should pursue sex with our husbands not for their pleasure alone, but for the benefits that it brings to both! Children won’t focus on their parents’ sexual fulfillment, but will see and model the behavior of two people in love.

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  5. I love this infographic!!!! :)

    I guess I’m the man. I don’t want to be a man :(….
    My husband denies me if I ever ask or try to initiate, try to flirt, seduce, etc. I’ve expressed calmly how it makes me feel. Sometimes I feel like denying him, but I don’t even when I’m extremely tired and need sleep. Average is probably 3-4 times a month. I would love to daily if not twice daily. It’s never been different than this, so I guess that my hope is that it could only get better which is a positive. When he takes his time and lets it be about being with each other and having a wonderful time, it is amazing and a true blessing of connection. That’s why I absolutely long for more because it is so amazing and loving when it happens :)

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