EP 97: Q&A – Babies, Books, & Correcting Other People’s Children

Time for a little Q&A! I’ve been cleaning out my inbox this week and answering some of the questions my blog readers, podcast listeners, and/or newsletter subscribers have sent in. So I’ve decided to tackle several of those topics on today’s podcast episode.

Q&A: Babies, Books, Badges, and Correcting Other People’s Children

Complete transcript from Episode 87

Hello, Friends. Welcome to Episode 97 of Loving Life at Home. This week, I’ve been cleaning out my inbox and answering some of the questions my blog readers, podcast listeners, and/or newsletter subscribers have sent in.

I was planning to call this episode “Mailbox Monday,” but I’m late on posting it, so I had to change the title.

I guess I could’ve called it “Trying-to-Tidy-my-Inbox Tuesday,” or “Wish-I-Were-More-on-Top-of-Things Wednesday.”

But the point is, even after moving all the unsolicited email advertisements and other spam to the trash, I still have lots of bona-fide messages in my inbox awaiting a response: questions that need answering, topic suggestions for podcasts or posts, reader requests I want to work on.

So I decided to knock out a bunch of them all at once today. In this episode, I’ll be tackling questions such as:

• Is it safe for most women to have ten or more babies?
• What math books are best for teaching homeschool students?
• Can I use your prayer guides if I live in another country?
• Could you please publish a new pledge of allegiance?
• What books would you recommend for boys to read?
• What should I do when other people’s kids misbehave in my home?

If you find any of those topics of interest, keep listening while we delve in. My first letter poses this question:

QUESTION: Is giving birth multiple times safe for healthy women?

Adam writes in response to my episode on the Benefits of Big Family Living (which I’ll link in today’s show notes).

Hi. Thank you for sharing your experience.

I am a man, but I want to know is it safe for most healthy women to have over 10 children? is having big families not for all healthy women? I heard pregnancies change many things about the bodies of women.

God bless your family. Thanks.

My ANSWER: Every woman is different!

I replied to him that…Yes, pregnancy definitely changes many things about a woman’s body. I cannot speak for all women, or even for all healthy women. But I’m happy to share what I’ve observed through the years.

And that is the fact that Some women’s bodies seem to “bounce back to normal” almost immediately after having a baby. Others, not so much. That’s even true of the same woman with different pregnancies. It certainly was for me. The baby weight simply melted away without any extra effort on my part after the first few deliveries, but it stubbornly clung to my hips and midsection for decades after I had my last few babies.

Additionally, some women, whether generally healthy or obviously out-of-shape, have such easy pregnancies and smooth deliveries that they would gladly consider having ten or more children. That’s the group I found myself in.

Other women, including some who were in tip-top health to begin with, endure such difficult pregnancies and traumatic deliveries that they will probably have to think twice before signing up to go through the same ordeal a second or third (much less a tenth or twelfth) time.

Of course, generally speaking, women have been successfully delivering babies for all of human history. Yet pregnancy and childbirth are not without risk. Between 700 and 800 women die in the US each year due to maternal causes (during pregnancy through six weeks postpartum). Though the risk of death is relatively low (far more women die each year in car accidents, for instance), it isn’t zero.

That’s why it’s so important for a couple to discuss this topic frankly and prayerfully in order to arrive at a joint decision regarding family size, while still recognizing it is God who opens and closes the womb.

You need to know that even if you both decide you want a double handful of children, that doesn’t automatically mean you will have them. Likewise, if you decide to limit yourselves to having just one or two children — or even zero – God can certainly overrule that decisions as well by sending you two or three babies at a time or by blessing you with a pregnancy even when you were doing everything in your power to prevent it.

I’m not sure what prompted this question from this listener. Maybe he isn’t even married yet but is simply curious about what caring for a wife and children might someday entail. Or maybe he IS married and is trying to convince a reluctant wife to have more children.

Either way, I’m pretty certain the average woman wouldn’t want her husband (or a potential husband) to pressure her to keep popping out babies just because some stranger on the Internet told him it was safe to do so.

The desire for a large family should ideally come from God, as He is the One to whom you both must look to sustain you when the going gets tough, which it inevitably will from time to time, regardless how many children you ultimately have or don’t have.

The next question is admittedly niche. Sherrie writes…

QUESTION: What’s the best way to teach math?

What curriculum [do you use] to teach Algebra? I run a cottage school, and we are having [a hard time finding a curriculum that works]! I would love to know what your co-op has used.

Thanks,

Sherrie

ANSWER: It all depends on how much time you can devote to teaching

My very favorite math curriculum and what I’ve always used with my own children (and still do) is Saxon Math – at least for grades 4 and up. Saxon didn’t have a curriculum for grades K-3 back when we first started homeschooling, so I had to find something else for the younger grades. My favorite for the early years is Horizons workbooks, and I stuck with those until my kids are ready for Saxon 54.

In the PRO column for Saxon, is:

1) It is straightforward. I can teach the material cover to cover, and with the exception of fractional part equations, Saxon explains everything exactly as I would explain it myself. So it is intuitive for me as a teacher. Also…

2) The books are non-consumeable. So I’ve been able to use the same textbooks for all twelve of my children and several of my grandchildren now, as well.

3) It teaches to mastery. Once most of my kids finish Algebra 2, they’ve been ready and able to CLEP out of College Algebra. Ditto for passing the Pre-Calculus CLEP after finishing Saxon Advanced Math. And those of my children who went all the way through Saxon calculus with me at home earned college credit for calculus through CLEP exams, as well.

4) The fourth thing in Saxon’s PRO column is something some students want to place in the CON column, and that is the fact Saxon has a lot of review in every homework set. It adds up to 25-30 questions a day, which to some kids seems like a lot. But I’m of the opinion that, if you understand the concepts, you’ll be able to get through all that review pretty fast. And if you don’t, then you really need the extra practice.

However, I’ve also taught Algebra 1 and 2 at my homeschool co-op for many years, and Saxon would not work very well at all for a class that meets only once a week (which in such a setting would be another CON). So I use Math-U-See to teach my co-op kids.

The PRO of this curricula is that it introduces only one new concept a week, followed by five homework problem sets and a test — perfect for co-op. I cover the topic on Mondays, the students do a worksheet on that topic each day and take a test over the weekend before moving on to a new topic the following week.

The CON is that the student workbook has no kind of instruction in it, so if a student misses class, he can’t really read over the concepts on his own unless his family also buys the textbook or invests in the DVDs of Steve Demme teaching each lesson.

Also, Math-U-See Algebra 2 includes a few geometry problems on every test, despite the fact that no geometry is ever explained in the text book or taught in class or reviewed in the homework assignments. And my students who have not yet taken Geometry are sometimes clueless as how to solve those problems.

(My solution: I count those as extra credit — students who solve them correctly get extra points added to their test grade, but students who miss them don’t lose any points for not knowing how to work them.)

Now, for some reason, the leadership at my co-op decided to switch math curriculum  a few years ago and went with Alpha Omega Life Pacs. I’ve used Life Pacs to teach physical science before at home and thought they were okay, but it was extremely stressful trying to adapt Alpha-Omega’s Algebra curriculum for my co-op classes and I absolutely dreaded teaching the class that semester — despite the fact that I’ve always LOVED algebra (really math, in general) – enough to major in math in college and do two years of graduate work in the same field.

The PRO for Alpha-Omega is that: The workbooks do contain some instruction and examples, so students who miss class can review the material on their own.

Cons: The course is meant to be used with video instruction, so there was not really a good teacher’s guide with well-laid-out lesson plans available for me to use in class. Also, the homework was insane — as many as 450 problems per week, and much of that was busy work with vague explanations of what students were expected. Like “Make up a problem about such-and-such then solve it on your own.” Such non-discrete answers were a nightmare to grade when I had 9 or 10 students turning in nearly 500 problems each. There was simply no way I could check that amount of homework with any degree of thoroughness in the couple hours I had access to students’ completed assignments. 

In the end, we didn’t even make it six weeks before we abandoned that curriculum and went back to Math-U-See.  In fact, one of the leaders in our homeschool Co-op (NOT the one who chose the new curriculum) later confided to me that the AO Life Pacs were what convinced her mother to homeschool in the first place. The small private school in which she’d enrolled her oldest daughters used LifePacs and the curriculum was giving her little girls fits, as well. So she eventually decided she could do a better job educating them at home with a different curriculum, so that’s what she did!

My next question comes from a subscriber named Mary Alice. She writes…

QUESTION: Could you compose a new pledge of allegiance?

Dear Jennifer,

I so enjoy your emails & podcasts – even at my age – 83! Thank you for working so hard to plant values in the younger generation of women. 

When I read there is a day in September to honor The Pledge of Allegiance to our country. I am wondering if you have, or would be willing to compose, a Pledge of Allegiance to our Creator God who blesses us so abundantly.

Thank you for giving thought to that. Blessings in your ministry for the Lord & women,

Mary Alice 

ANSWER: I’d be glad to! Will this one work?

Well, I thought that was a really sweet idea and of course I was happy to fulfill that simple request.

Our homeschool group pledges allegiance to the American flag and to the Bible every Monday morning, but I’ve never encountered a pledge to the Creator before. So I wrote one myself. It goes like this:

I designed a pretty printable version, as well, which I’ll link in today’s show notes along with the Pledge to the Bible and the Pledge to the US Flag, in case you might be interested in any or all three.

Next is a question from a reader in South Africa. He writes…

QUESTION: Only for American Officers?

Good day, I was just looking at your Prayer for Police. Are you from America? And is the ” symbol for Police” also for America or can it be used all over the world? I am from South Africa.

[The symbol he is referencing was just some black line clip art I used at the top of this particular printable, which I’ll link in today’s show notes. And I’ll also include a link to a new prayer guide for the military, another (related) reader request I recently fulfilled.]

ANSWER: They all need prayer!

My answer to this international reader is that police badges differ from city to city and state to state. The symbol I used is not official. It was only meant to be a generic representation of law and order. I do not see any problem for people to use that symbol or pray that prayer for officers in other parts of the world. Because Police need divine strength and protection, no matter where they serve. 😊

QUESTION: Recommended reading list for boys?

My next question is about books. A subscriber named Carol writes:

Do you have a “must read” book list for high school boys before graduating? If so, please share.

ANSWER: No (not yet!)

I don’t presently have any such post on the blog. But I should! I think that’s a great idea.

Off the top of my head, I think such a list would include…

• The Men We Need – by Brant Hanson
• Do Hard Things – by Alex and Brett Harris
• Created for Work – by Bob Schultz (sadly out of print)
• Thoughts for Young Men by J.C. Ryle
• Biographies of George Muller and Brother Andrew
• More Than Meets the Eye by Richard Swensen

Those are all non-fiction. As for Fiction, I’d also include

• The Iron Ring and First Two Lives of Lucas Kasha by Lloyd Alexander
• As well as The Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander
• The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
• The Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis (especially The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Prince Caspian, and The Horse and His Boy. And the Magician’s Nephew. And Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Really all of them are great.
• Also, To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
• Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls
• Wonder and also White Bird by RJ Palacio
• Carry on Mr. Bowditch by Jean Lee Latham
• Restart and Schooled by Mark Korman
• A Single Shard by Linda Sue Park
• Old Yeller by Fred Gipson

Those were a few of the books my boys really liked that would probably make the list. If you are listening and can think of any I’ve missed, drop me a line and let me know. I’ll do my best to expand upon this list and turn it into a post. Thanks for the inspiration.

QUESTION: The Men We Need?

The next question is about books, too. Melanie writes…

Hi Jennifer, 

I don’t know if your emails are designed to be answered, but I’m assuming since “friends” told you about the broken links, that you’ll see this reply. 🙂

I’m wondering about the book that you recommended, The Men We Need.  Do you think it would be appropriate for a pre-teen? 

Melanie

ANSWER: Yes and Yes

My ANSWER to both questions is yes:

Yes, My newsletters are designed to be answered, so you can just hit reply anytime you have something to say to me.

And also, yes. I think The Men We Need could be safely read by a preteen. I do not remember anything that would be objectionable for younger kids to read in Hanson’s book, alhtough I wasn’t specifically looking at it through that lens.

I think my youngest sons were 14 and 17 when we first read it and my daughter was 12. You might consider reading the book aloud to your preteens so you can discuss it as you go. It is simultaneously funny and sobering. Let me know what you think if you end up reading it (or listening to the audiobook) together!

Then, my last question today is from a reader who writes….

QUESTION:  How do you deal with misbehaving children who visit your home?

“One question that I have struggled with for years — and so I am reaching out to you for mentoring 🙂 — is how to deal with other people’s children who are permitted to run wild in my home by their own parents.  I just had this happen last week, and I feel like when these families come over their children burst through the doors like a hurricane and the parents just watch and say nothing.  

“There are no boundaries, and some moms just credit their children’s behavior to “curiosity”.  It feels so awkward to me to say something “right then and there”, but as an older women now — who did not permit her children to act that way — I feel like need to and should say something.  I feel very uncomfortable and like the parents do not respect the privacy and sanctity of our home when they allow their children to act that way.  

“Even as I see this happening, however, I struggle SO much to confront it in the moment because I do not want to embarrass the parents or make them feel bad.  I just don’t know what to say, and I get so frustrated and angry with myself, more than anything.  

“As my husband and I were raising our 3 kids, we wanted people be happy to see us coming … not happy to see us going, and yet that is honestly how I feel when families like these come to our home — and they are Christian families, not unbelievers.  When our children were little I gleaned a lot of wisdom from older parents in our church who were a few steps ahead of us, as well as from solid, biblical authors or raising children.  

“We did not believe in child-proofing our home because the World is not child-proofed.  By teaching our children what “NO” meant at home, I was able to go to a store, someone else’s un-baby-proofed home or office, and I did not have to worry about my children being out of control, breaking something or embarrassing me.  

“I truly wanted our children to be a blessing wherever we went.   As the Proverbs 29:17 says, “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” (ESV)  These children feel very much out of control, and while I want to practice hospitality, boundaries are necessary because “curiosity” can be very costly and even dangerous with boundaries. 

Thank you for taking my question and listening.  I was wrestling with this so much today and then I saw your [newsletter] pop into my email and so I thought “I’m going to ask Jennifer” what she would do!  : )

ANSWER: Proceed with caution

This particular reader is not the only mom to write me about this problem. I’ve heard from enough others to know what she describes is a common occurrence. So what can we do about it?

It’s a tough question, and something I’ve had to deal with from time to time myself. If the misbehaving kids are unlikely to ever come again, or maybe only once every year or two, I normally try my best to ignore the behavior. I don’t know if that’s really the best course of action, but it seems the most pragmatic for me. 

If, on the other hand, the children in question are regular guests —maybe they belong to members of a small group that meets weekly in your house or are neighbors who frequently drop in for a visit or even grandkids whose parents don’t always enforce the house rules as consistently as you’d like — then we’ve got to come up with a game plan that allows us to firmly but lovingly guide our youngest guests into adopting a higher standard of behavior than may normally be required of them. It will help if everybody living in your house is on the same page, so explain expectations beforehand and enlist the help of spouse and older children to enforce these rules. 

Insist visiting children stay in a public area where you can keep an eye on them at all times. Anticipate short attention spans and curiosity and provide coloring pages or building blocks or puzzles to entertain them while they’re in your home.

If they get bored with one toy, have them pick that one up and put it away before providing for them another. Speak directly to the children with a warm smile and an extra measure of patience. Don’t treat their curiosity as a failure on their parents’ part to train them but assume the role of teacher and encourager yourself as you sweetly explain the rules.

In my experience, parents usually will see this interaction and back you up. If they don’t or if the children are rude and disrespectful, you may have to have the offending children sit out until they can do better.

If the children are left in your care, it is a bit easier to navigate than when the parents are right in the next room. I remember when my oldest grandkids were little, they’d often stay with me while their mother ran errands. And inevitably, when my daughter-in-law came back to get them, she’d always acted surprised that my house still looked clean and the kids were all playing, even if they’d been there all day long including a couple of meals.

But that’s just because I enforced the same rules with them as I had for my own kids growing up. Namely, we cleaned up messes as we went along, with everybody pitching in to help. We’d all work together to get the kitchen cleaned up after meals, and we’d put one toy up before getting another out.  If, for instance, they got tired of playing with Lincoln Logs, we’d pick all those up and put them away before getting out the box of duplos or matchbox cars or dinosaurs.

I have a post called Taming the Toybox that explains our method in more detail. I’ll like that in the show notes, as well as a free printable chart of age-appropriate chores for children – in case you need a little inspiration.

As for correcting other people’s errant children, I would also recommend praying about the situation. That’s always the best place to start. God promises in James 1:5 that He will give wisdom to all who ask, and He will undoubtedly help you in this sticky situation as well.

In my experience, unless you are really very close, confronting parents directly about their children’s wild behavior rarely goes over well. It is hard to do that without coming across as judgmental or self-righteous. And anybody who’s raised as many children as I have knows that young kids are full of surprises and do not always behave as parents hope —  even when parents work consistently at training to do better.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a guest in my home do anything so outrageous that one of my own children hadn’t tried something equally as shocking first at some point in their life.

In fact, just last week, one of my youngest little grandkids snuck off unnoticed to a bathroom in the back of our house and opened a drawer of my closet desk, pulled out two or three sets of calligraphy markers and several bottles of glue, and dropped them all – one-by-one — into the toilet.

When his mother found out, she seemed mortified, but I well remember when my own daughter – who incidentally just turned 26 yesterday – did the same thing as a toddler, only she flushed the evidence. And I had to call the plumber 3 days in a row before he finally pulled the toilet and realized the u-trap was filled with a matrix of markers all jammed up like so many pixie sticks – so that water and even a little toilet paper could easily flush right through, but nothing solid could go down.

At least when little Lukie did the same thing, the water was clean, and he wasn’t able to reach the buttons on top of my toilet to flush all those craft supplies, so it was an easy matter to just fish everything back out of the bowl, dry it off, and put it away.

The point is, kids will be kids, but they do need guidance. Perhaps the mom who is sitting on your couch letting her kids run wild like a hurricane is feeling overwhelmed or at a loss as to how to reign them back in. So do your best to graciously redirect them. Read them a story. Serve them a snack. Give them some blocks to play with on the floor by your feet.

If they’re older, put them to work by hiring them to pick up pinecones or rake the leaves in your yard and keep them busy that way. Be gracious and loving, but also firm about enforcing the rules. Their Mom is sure to take notice and may even learn a few new strategies to try out at home.