EP 108: How Can You Tell When You Need a Break?

It’s been a while since I last published a new podcast episode. So today, I’m sharing what our family has been doing lately and also answer a fellow homeschooler’s question about how you can tell if and when you need a break. I hope you’ll listen in and be encouraged.

How to Tell When You Need a Break

Full Transcript from Episode 108

Hello, Friend.

Welcome to Episode 108 of Loving Life at Home. I haven’t posted any new episodes for a while, and that’s at least partially due to the fact I’ve been on vacation. A winter storm came through our part of Texas recently. Perhaps it hit where you live, as well. From the sound of it, the storm swept across a wide swath of southern states that normally don’t get much snow.

But as Providence would have it, it came at the exact same time my husband and I had scheduled a Caribbean cruise.

So we decided to leave a day early to beat the storm, swung through Dallas to pick up my mother on the way, and drove to Galveston on Friday before boarding on Sunday. It was still pretty cold at the coast, but no ice, so we didn’t have any trouble making it onto the ship.

Cruising with MSC

We’ve cruised the Caribbean before, and we’ve sailed with MSC before, which stands for Mediterranean Shipping Company, despite our cruise director’s insistence that MSC means Marvelous Super Cruise. But this was our first time to sail on MSC out of Galveston.

We took two MSC cruises in Europe when our kids were living in Germany.

North Sea:

Last year, we did a North Sea cruise out of Hamburg. With our daughter who spent a year working in Germany as a nanny or au pair.

Western Mediterranean:

And then several years before that, when our son was stationed in Ansbach, we took a Western Mediterranean cruise with MSC out of Genoa. I remember that one well because when I called the travel agent to make the reservation, she tried to talk me out of it. She told me (erroneously) that MSC staff don’t speak English and they don’t serve any American food, to which I replied, “Well, that’s okay with us. We’ll be in Europe! Eating the food and hearing the language of other cultures is part of the experience we’re going for. Besides,” I asked her, “did you see the price? Off season, it’s just $220 for eight days, seven nights, and six ports of call. That’s incredible!”

So I had her save me a couple of the interior rooms while I tried to arrange free flights with my frequent flyer miles. Then when I called back the next day to book passage, she confided that she’d gone home and told her husband about the great deal and they decided to give it a try as well.

Well, that one was one of the best cruises we’d ever taken. The food was delicious and nearly everyone we interacted with on board was multilingual and proficient enough in English that we had no problems communicating with them. That was certainly true of all the workers and was likewise the case for most of the guests that we talked to.

Caribbean:

And now MSC is trying to break into the American market and has even started sailing out of Galveston, which makes me so happy.

We only took four on this cruise, me and my husband, our youngest daughter, Abby, and my 88-year-old mother, and we all stayed in one room, which I know a lot of people think is crazy, but it was convenient, and it was very economical, and it worked out beautifully because we didn’t have to, you know, sometimes when we have multiple rooms on a cruise ship–we’ve taken as many as 22, 23 people for a single cruise, and they’ll have us on multiple floors — And so trying to coordinate where to meet and what we’re going to do next and all that was more of a hassle. With all four of us in one room, we always knew where each other was. Or almost always. My husband would sometimes wander off to shop or explore or get a haircut and we’d have to track him down.

But most of the time, we were all together. So it worked out beautifully. When my husband and I needed alone time we would sneak back to the room while my daughter and mother were playing games or reading or doing some of the other onboard activities– craft time or trivia, that sort of thing — and then we would all go to meals together and shows together and explore the ports together, and it just worked out great.

We had three ports of call on the cruise we just took: Costa Maya, Roatan, and Cozumel.

Costa Maya

We just shopped in the port of Costa Maya.

Roatan

In Roatan, we took a tour, which was really fun. And usually when we go on cruises, we don’t book our excursions through the cruise. You can save money, especially if you have a group, just booking locally when you get off the ship by finding a cab driver who will take you wherever you want to go. And so that’s what we did this time.

And they took us to Chocolate Factory and took us to see several beautiful views of the island. And also took us to a petting zoo, which was a lot of fun. That was one of the high points for all of us on this particular cruise — that petting zoo. We got to feed monkeys and hold little chinchillas and macaws. And we also got to pet the monkeys.

When we came home, my daughter who’s a nurse, was just mortified to think that we had pet monkeys and questioned me at length about it. Evidently, she had recently had a patient who had been bitten by a monkey and had to get a full series of rabies shots. So she couldn’t believe that we would actually pet monkeys.

And then I said something about going into the cage with them and she about came unglued. “What? They put you in a cage with monkeys? And you agreed to that?” So I tried to assure her, “Well, they didn’t let us into the cage with the aggressive ones.” But that didn’t make her feel any better about the situation. “Didn’t you see 28 Days Later?” Which, the answer is no, I didn’t. But I’m familiar enough with the plot to know a monkey bite led to the near-extinction of the human race in that movie. So I guess I can understand why she was upset over the thought of her beloved family members being put into such close proximity to primates.

But it was still an awesome experience. They even let us feed the monkeys — not while we were in the cages with them, but from a distance outside, so that the monkeys would stretch out their tails and use the tip of it to pluck the food from our fingers.  Nobody got bitten on our cruise, and we got some magnificent photos I’ll try to share in the show notes today.

Cozumel

Then our last stop was Cozumel, and we just spent that day at the beach, kayaking and swimming, snorkeling, hunting for shells, and soaking up the sun. It was glorious! And quite the contrast from what all the family members we left back at home were doing — sledding and  snowboarding in very icy snow. It wasn’t very powdery here in Texas, but they did get to do a little bit of sledding, all the while we were in our swimsuits on the beach basking in the sun. It was a wonderful alternative in my mind and really broke up the winter, which doesn’t last very long in East Texas anyway, but a wonderful break, nonetheless.

Great Food

One of the things I love about cruising in general and about MSC in particular is that the food is so amazing. The head chef for this ship was of Indian descent, so there were great vegan options offered every night, which was right up my alley.

Of course, they had plenty of steak and chicken and fish and other courses to choose from, as well, but the plant-based food was superb — incredible flavor — and I loved it and ate as much as I wanted of everything that I allow myself to eat and came home and was still the same weight basically that I was when I left. So that was good.

Another thing we loved about this cruise was the fact we met so many interesting people.

New Friends

We met a couple of retired school teachers over breakfast one morning. I think he’d taught fourth grade and she’d been a high school math teacher. But while visiting with them over the course of that meal , It became apparent that they are both very well-traveled, so I asked how often they cruise, and they said four or five times a year — or maybe it was five or six times — whichever, it was a LOT. So I immediately followed up with, “Wow. Then I’ll bet you have all sorts of great tips for finding great deals! Do you use points or miles or travel last minute? How do you do it.” They gave me a few leads, but I would’ve loved to pick their brains all morning. And, in fact, I carried around a small notebook and pen for the rest of the cruise, just in case we ran into them again, so I could ask even more followup questions — and take notes — but that didn’t happen. Maybe they saw me coming and went the other way! I don’t know. But they gave me a few ideas to work with, and once I thoroughly investigate those and find out if they work, I may do an episode on that topic in the future.

Now, cruise lines always assigned seating at dinner in the main dining room, so that you have the same table and the same waiter every night, and this time, there was a sweet couple seated at the table right next to us — Steve and Wanda — whom we really enjoyed getting to know while we were on the ship.

Steve reminded me a little of my brother-in-law — such a friendly and likeable fellow — a retired engineer who loves woodworking. However, Wanda and my mom became fast friends and it was fun to watch that budding friendship develop over dinner each night. My mother is so gregarious, and Wanda seems extremely sociable, as well, so I suspect they’ll remain lifelong friends.

We even met up together on sea days to play games. We taught them how to play Bananagrams — which is my favorite — and Abby and my mother taught them how to play golf — the card game, that is, not the sport with clubs and tee times.

We’ve only been home a little over a week, and Wanda has already written to my mom twice. And I don’t mean she texted. I mean sent her a snail mail letters and packages full of goodies, which was so incredibly thoughtful. And then Mom texted me a day or two ago to tell me that she had just received a Valentine from her new friend, as well. So that was really sweet. And I think they’re making plans to see one another in person next time they’re in the metroplex — they have friends or family in Irving they see routinely, which I know will thrill mother. She loves meeting people and believes you can never have too many friends.

Q&A

And, speaking of friends, I want to answer a question I received from an online friend — a subscriber — some time ago that’s kind of related to this topic. She writes:

I have an idea for a podcast and thought I would mention it. How can you tell when the family needs a break from the routine and how much of a break? Whether it’s a break from homeschooling, finding a rhythm that works, a family vacation, or just time to clear your head, lately we have struggled to concentrate at home in spite of routine planning, attempting to manage time better, attempting to eat healthy, trips to the park, etc., Granted, we have had series or months of stressful events that we respond to in prayer and problem solving. We also typically schedule one-on-one time with our children and date nights, but when is it time for a getaway instead of a date night or a vacation versus a field trip? We want to be proactive if possible, but realize it’s also not always feasible physically or financially to book a vacation or retreat. I typically read or memorize scripture to counter any negative thought patterns or weariness when it comes up. But these days, even with scripture memory and prayer, it seems our bodies are telling us it’s time for a change. Sometimes my husband is so busy with work and other projects, I’m prayerfully considering when to approach him about stress that is taking a toll on the family. Any tips are greatly appreciated, friend.

Well, I’m sorry to say this letter has been languishing in the bottom of my inbox for nearly two years now. I did write a brief response to the author months ago and tried to give her a few ideas, but promised to give a more in-depth reply on a podcast. And today’s the day!

You’ll notice she includes a litany of all the things she’s already tried. Some of them — like Bible reading and time management and healthy eating — are stuff we could all benefit from and that I might’ve been inclined to suggest myself as ways to address the problem.

Others — like date night with her husband and one-on-one dates with each child — might possibly be contributing to her feelings of overwhelm and burnout, depending on what exactly those things entail and the goals she’s trying to achieve by doing them.

Do what works best for the season you’re in

I well remember the days when my babies were little and my husband was working 100 to 120 hours a week during his residency. I’m so glad I don’t have to relive that difficult season, because I definitely experienced some feelings of burn out in the midst of it! He still works a lot — I think he logged 95 hours last week, in fact — but that’s still a lot better than 120. Plus he gets a lot more vacation time now. And our kids are older, so we make it work.

But had anyone suggested to me that what I really needed to do to address my weariness during that busy, busy season of my husband’s residency was to schedule a weekly night out on the town with him and to also add individual one-on-one dates with each of my children on top of all my other responsibilities, I think I would’ve cried. Even attempting such a thing would likely have led to a nervous break down.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for cultivating meaningful connection with each member of the family. That is a worthy goal and one that every mom should aspire to. But we shouldn’t get trapped into thinking such connection can only take place outside our homes or that it has to follow a set pattern of somebody else’s creation to be truly effective.

I devoted an entire episode to whether regular date nights are essential for a successful marriage, and I’ll link that in the show notes. And  I’ll also link an episode that talks about ways to help your child feel seen, loved, and supported, as many of the same apply to one-on-one time with kids. But be mindful of the fact the ways we all pursue these worthy goals is going to look different from one family to the next, and that’s okay.

I don’t need to feel pressured to take my daughter our for a special day of clothes shopping if she’d be more content staying home and working a jigsaw puzzle together while we listen to an audiobook. Or vice versa.

So… what do you do in my friend’s situation where — despite her your efforts — your still feeling weary and craving a break? But you’re also keenly aware of the fact that you don’t have a huge surplus of time or money to devote to such a break?

Start with the Sabbath

First, I’d suggest you start by trying to be more faithful about observing a Sabbath. Take a hard break from your as much of your normal work and responsibilities as you can for that one day a week.

From the very outset of creation, God established a pattern of work and rest He intended for us to follow — and for good reason, because we need to take a break to recharge and and really that’s something that i would suggest if you aren’t already doing it and are feeling weary. Try to be more intentional about taking a full break on the Sabbath.

I don’t think we are required to do this by law you anymore, nor do I believe it’s a sin if you end up needing to work on the Sabbath. Obviously, as Jesus noted in Mark 2:27, “The Sabbath was created for man, not man for the Sabbath.”

And in Matthew 12:11 He asks, “What man is there among you who, if he has only one sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will not take hold of it and lift it out?” And He Himself healed on the Sabbath. As you may know, my husband is a physician, and sometimes he has to take call on Sundays. In fact, he was at the hospital all day this past Sunday — superbowl Sunday. He tries not to take call on Sunday very often, but still has to do it 8-9 times a year because, guess what? People still get sick and still need surgery, even on Sundays. He works at a Level one trauma center, and when emergencies come in and people need help, he is there to meet that need.

I don’t think that there is anything wrong with that, but I do think it is prudent when and where you can to take a break from your normal weekday activities and responsibilities as much as you can one day a week. Maybe you’ll do that on the Sabbath, which is Saturday, or maybe on the Lord’s Day, which is Sunday.

Sunday is the day I’ve tried to be more intentional about taking a break. I power down my computer on Saturday evening and don’t log back in until Monday morning, because I do want to slow down and focus on other things and recharge. So on my Sundays, in addition to going to church — and we actually attend two church services. We go to an early, 8 AM service at the church we’ve attended for many years. But as our kids have grown older and become adults, a lot of them have started going to a different church.

The 8:00 service we attend is populated mainly by elderly people. And we have several adult children who are looking for spouses and probably aren’t going to find them among the early service attendees. So several of them have been attending a different church in town.

So now, my husband and I and our youngest daughter go to the 8 a.m. service at one church, then have breakfast at Einstein Bagels with some family friends who also attend that service, and then we go on over to the 10:20 service with our older kids.

And really, we love both congregations, and the preaching is excellent in both places. And so that is what our Sunday mornings normally look like. And then on Sunday afternoons, I will usually read, take a nap, then take a walk or play pickleball with my husband, or listen to a book on tape while I work on craft projects. So the day is spent relaxing and recharging and getting ready for the new week before Monday morning hits with all our work and co-op and homeschooling responsibilities. So, if you are feeling the need for a break and don’t already take a Sabbath, I would suggest you start there.

Watch for clues

But, I guess my friend really started with the question, how do you know when you need a break? Well, as far as homeschooling goes, I would say that if you look up from  reading aloud to your kids or going over math lessons or workbook pages or whatever you’re doing and everybody’s eyes are glazing over and you see that they’re not really getting much out of the lessons or paying very close attention, that’s a sign you need to switch things us a bit.

That is very apt to happen this time of year. Everybody’s coming down with spring fever. They’re tired of being cooped up inside and are ready to be outdoors stretching their legs and enjoying the fresh air and sunshine.

That doesn’t necessarily mean you need to pack your bags and hit the road for two weeks– although that might be a great option if you can swing it. But, really, just a change of scenery works wonders for my kids. That’s why, a lot of times, once the weather starts warming up, I’ll just spread a quilt under a tree in our yard and do our reading outside in the sunshine. The kids love that.

Sometimes they’ll climb said tree and listen from its branches while I read aloud from a book we’re covering in history or literature. We’ve done this for years. Even when my children were all pretty young, I’d  pack up our school books and a picnic lunch and head to the playground. Then I’d call one child at a time over to the quilt to go over reading or math while all the siblings played on the playround. Once the oldes was finished with his lesson, they’d go back and play with the group while the next one in line came and did their math.

That was a great way to get some sunshine. Sunshine’s so helpful for us: for both our mental health and our physical health. I just finished Jenny Urich’s book, Until the Streetlights Come On. If you need extra motivation to get outdoors more often, that’s a book that I highly recommend as she sites many compelling studies throughout. I’ll be sure to link it in today’s show notes for you.

Try small tweaks

For me, another tell-tale sign that my family needed a break came about 25 years ago when a couple of my kids started lobbying to attend public school instead of homeschooling. We lived across the street from a middle school at a time, and they got it in their head that they wouldn’t be happy until they started attending that school along with all the other kids in our neighborhood.

But, instead of getting my feelings hurt by their show of ingratitude for they sacrifices I’d made to homeschool them, I simply asked what they thought would be different if they attended “real” school, and they told me immediately: First of all, they said that if they went to the school on the corner, they’d get a summer break and, second, they’d be able to eat lunch with their friends every day.

Up until that year, we’d been schooling year-round. But I agreed to start giving them a summer break and also to regularly invite their little friends over to eat with us after school or on the weekends, since they’d have no guarantee of being scheduled for the same lunch time or seated at the same table, even if they did attend the same school. And those two tweaks to our own schedule satisfied them completely, and I heard no more begging to do lessons differently than we’d always done them.

Consider a co-op

Another thing you might consider doing is joining a co-op. I know that has been a wonderful decision for our family over the years. It’s provided extra accountability for my kids to have other moms that teach certain subjects, where they are required to turn in creative writing assignments or their science tests or on your own problems every single week. It’s also gotten all of us out of the house and interacting with other families, which has been a good thing. So that might be an option you’ll want to consider. But it also might be a lot of extra work added to a plate that is too full already — like weekly date nights would’ve felt for me during my husband’s already hectic residency. You know your family and their particular situation and schedules and personalities better than I do, but just know that might be an option.

Our co-op does three weeks on, one week off. For many years when my kids were younger, we homeschooled four days on. Four days a week instead of five days a week. So we would always have a long weekend and could use that just to relax and recharge. Which is another reason we schooled year round. When the kids got older, we had to go to five days a week (including our co-op day), so that’s why I was able to start giving them a bit of a break over the summer.

Simplify and surprise

Another little trick that worked really well for my kids when they were younger — and one I just started using again a couple of weeks ago with the batch of kids I’m currently homeschooling (my youngest daughter plus two of my grandsons) — is that I’d post a very simplified list of five or six things we need to accomplish each day with a check box beside it (something like math, history, literature, Bible, lunch, kitchen chores, that sort of thing) and then I’d add another checkbox right below the last item on th list with the word “SURPRISE” next to it.

One of my grandsons told me, “wow, I am so motivated to get my work done now because I want to find out what that surprise is!” And sure enough, he completed all his work in record time!

And last week, the surprise was I took them all to see Melania in theaters when they finished their work. I felt like that was kind of a peek into Our First Lady and current events and something that I had wanted to see and would only be in theaters for a limited time. So they worked really hard and got their work done. And we went and got popcorn and took in a matinee performance of Melania, but it could be a trip to the park or a playground or a visit to the zoo or a local museum or some other sort of treat or field trip — Going to the different local industries and seeing how things are made. I have a resource on the blog about factory tours and other similar field trips.  I’ll link that in the show notes today as well.  — or the surprise might even be just playing a board game or baking cookies or taking a bike ride or enjoying ice cream cones together.

Just having a goal to work towards is sometimes motivating and helps break the monotony of a humdrum school day and add  a little spice and excitement to it.

Get some exercise

Sometimes when my kids’ eyes are glazing over, they just need to take a 15 minute break to play ping pong or run around the block. I used have my grade schoolers do that whenever I saw they were having trouble sitting still for a math lesson. I’d say, “Okay, go out in the backyard and run around the swing set four times then come right back and we’ll finish this lesson. “

And that was sometimes enough. I know in America, our public schools have tended to cut out recess and give fewer breaks during the school day trying to get better test results from our kids. But in other countries, I think Finland is one of them, they actually add extra breaks and more outdoor time for the kids when they want to increase their learning and retention and test scores. And that seems to be more effective than the way that we’ve been doing it.

So I think homeschool has great potential to incorporate those kind of breaks in the in the education of our kids.

Now, of course, you can have kids who want to take so many breaks, they never get their work done, That seemed to be the problem with one of my grandsons. And it was very interesting last week when I started posting the simplified list of what we needed to accomplish plus the promise of a surprise, just how quickly he managed to finish his work.

Lessons that would normally take him three  or four hours to do because he’d hop up every two or three problems to go shoot hoops in the driveway, suddenly were being completed in 30-45 minutes. One half-hour bout of concentrated effort and he’s completely finished with his math lesson for the day! As you might imagine, that was very encouraging to him, and he’s continued to do better in that area ever since — even without a surprise. So sometimes just that little tweak can make a big difference.

Try an adventure that’s close to home

Now as far as longer trips, I have two things to say about that — or maybe three. One, it doesn’t have to be elaborate. We did not take trips to Europe or cruises or anything of the like for many, many years. When my husband was in school and training, we barely ever had even a three-day weekend. We got about two of those a year and no vacation at all. So… we would plan just a short trip.

There was a town– Hot Springs, Arkansas — that we could get to in about four hours from Dallas, where we were living at the time. And that was about the extent of our vacations for many a year. We’d spend Memorial day weekend in Hot Springs hiking the mountain and window shopping along Central Avenue and making hot tea with the fresh, hot spring water you could get out of a faucet on the town square and touring the bath houses (for free) and swimming in the hotel pool.

Yet we would come back home feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. So a vacation doesn’t have to be extravagant to do a world of good. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be four hours from home. I’ve posted a lot of great ideas for doing staycations right in your own backyard — I’ll be sure to link that article in the show notes — but you can take a break without going anywhere and save all kinds of money just by exploring your own town or neighboring towns.

Start planning early

Then the other thing I want to say is that studies indicate  people get almost as much joy out of planning a vacation as they do taking the vacation, so even if you don’t have the means or the time or the finances to take a vacation right now, you could dream together and start planning for one you’d like take in the future when the funds and time became available. 

Maybe watch documentaries on different places you’d like to visit and kind of travel virtually that way. Maybe keep a list of things you’d like to do in a certain area that you visit. As homeschoolers, you can easily turn any vacation into an educational opportunity — an extended field trip, of sorts.

For instance, when we studied American history, going to the East Coast and seeing some of the sites that we were reading about and visiting places like Yorktown and Jamestown and Williamsburg and Boston and Philadelphia, that was really exciting. We maybe didn’t get to see every place that we read about, but we got to hit the highlights.

You could start a list and an itinerary of what you would do if you had the time and the funds, then adjust as needed when you do get the opportunity to go. You may even want to poll the kids as to what they would like to do, then save together. Have garage sales. Have them clean out their toys and sell some of the own stuff for the cause. Forgo eating out and put the money saved toward the vacation fund.

I wrote a book called Pack Up & Leave that is chock full of ideas for economical and educational travel for families which I’ll link that in the show notes. It has lots of ideas that we’ve used over the years for making family trips more child-friendly and budget-friendly. So there’s that too.

Anyway, I think my grandkids are going to be here to homeschool pretty soon and I need to get back to it. So that will be it for today. I’ll do my best to get back to regular posting of this podcast. But, I have to admit, I did enjoy the break.

More Travel Ideas for Families

If your family loves to go as much as mine does, check out my book Pack Up & Leave. It’s chockful of smart tips that will make your next family road trip or vacation more economical, educational, and memorable.

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