EP 70: Unwrapping Cancer for Christmas

This year, I got an early Christmas “gift” that was a far cry from what any woman would hope for. I got a breast cancer diagnosis. And I’ve been unwrapping it all week. So today, I’m sharing the thoughts that have encouraged me, in hopes that they might give others hope who find themselves dealing with similarly difficult situations over the holidays or during any other season of life.

Unwrapping Cancer for Christmas

full Transcript for Episode 70

Hello, Friend.

Welcome to Episode 70 of Loving Life at Home.

Christmas is only two days away, so for this week’s topic, I want to discuss Christmas gifts – especially the kind of gift you sometimes get that you’d never put on a wish list.

The kind that, when you unwrap it, you have to glue a smile on your face as you say, “Oh… thank you…. You shouldn’t have!” By which you really mean, “I wish you wouldn’t have.”

Have you ever received a gift like that?

My husband gave me such a gift right after the first of our 12 children was born. It was a beautiful but very impractical dress.

• It had a high neck that buttoned up the back (so it would be impossible to breastfeed in discreetly).
• It had a very wide, close-fitting waist (which meant it wouldn’t fit at all during pregnancy or early post-partum).
• It had suede accents on the collar, cuffs, and waistband (which meant the dress would have to be dry cleaned only and would likely be ruined the first time baby spit up on me or had a diaper blow out).
• And it also carried a $100 price tag (which was a lot of money back then, especially as we were living on school loans at the time).

Honestly, the dress was very pretty, and if Doug had spotted it for a couple of bucks at a garage sale, it would probably still be hanging in my closet. But spending a hundred dollars on a dress I would seldom wear was an unwelcome extravagance at that stage of my life, so I convinced my husband to take the dress back and use the money to buy me something I would get a lot more pleasure and use out of: an electric band saw!

Well, this year, I got an early Christmas “gift” that was a far cry from what any woman would hope for. I got a breast cancer diagnosis.

It didn’t come from my husband; it came from my Father – my heavenly Father. From God. Or, at the very least, it passed through His hand before it was allowed to touch me.

And as much as I might love to send it back or exchange it for something more to my liking, I’m stuck with it for the time being.

I’ve heard from people who would know that a cancer diagnosis brings on a fresh kind of grief all its own. And some of my friends who’ve been through it experienced all five stages of grief we read about in school:  denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

My diagnosis is new, so maybe some of those feeling are still forthcoming for me. But my initial responses haven’t followed that trajectory at all.

Instead, I’ve spent the week alternately…

Crying Uncontrollably,
Asking Lots of Questions,
Notifying Loved Ones,
Coordinating Medical Appointments,
Entrusting My Future to God, and
Resting | Recuperating | Redeeming the Time.

So, just in case you are dealing with a similar unwished-for “gift” or end up receiving such a gift in the future, I want to walk you through my thought-processes in all these areas, while confidently offering encouragement that God is still in control. No hardship we face will ever take Him by surprise or catch Him off-guard.

And, because I love acrostics, you’ll notice the first letters of these responses spell out cancer…. C-A-N-C-E-R. So let’s start with the first C, which is for

Crying Uncontrollably

No matter how firm your faith in God or how well you know the truth or how hard you try not to cry, don’t be surprised if the tears flow freely and unbidden when you receive the news you have cancer.

We are emotional creatures. God created us that way. And that capacity to feel emotion is part of what makes us human.

But there’s a big difference between feeling emotional and letting those emotional feelings fully dictate your response to whatever circumstance you’re currently facing.

You have NO CONTROL over what kind of feelings immediately sweep over you in a crisis, but you do get to determine how much weight you’re gonna give those feelings in your decision-making process. After all, feelings come and go. Facts remain the same.

As for me, I want to base my thoughts and actions and responses on what I know to be right and true and good – not on how I might be feeling in the moment.

So even though I’ve shed a lot of tears at inconvenient times this past week, I keep preaching to myself the truth of God’s Word:

First, that God is in control

“For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things have been created by Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.” (Colossians 1:16-17)

Second, that no trouble can befall me without first passing through His hand

“I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them out of My hand. / My Father who has given them to Me is greater than all. No one can snatch them out of My Father’s hand.” (John 10:28-29)

And third, that God will use this cancer diagnosis for my growth and His glory

“And we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

The A in CANCER stands for

Asking Lots of Questions

I know all those unbidden tears can sometimes make it hard to communicate, but if you have worries or concerns or fears about your diagnosis or treatment, don’t keep those bottled up inside. Voice them.

Knowledge is power. Proverbs 24:5 tells us,

“The wise prevail through great power, and those who have knowledge muster their strength.” (Proverbs 24:5)

The better you understand what is going on in your body – with regards to cancer or any other ailment you may be dealing with – the better equipped you will be to make the necessary decisions.

Also, the team caring for you are used to answering patient questions. Whatever your concern might be, they’ve likely heard it many, many times before and will be able to address it clearly and concisely.

My doctors sent me home with all sorts of handouts explaining every little facet of what I wanted to know – which was great, because I could read through all that information at my leisure and not have to keep talking when my voice was so shaking and my emotions so raw. And they also gave me information on local support groups so I’d be able to talk to others who’ve already traveled down the path I’m just now started – which, as it happens, I already have several women in my life who fit that description, including my own sister, so I have a good network already in place of friends and family members who’ve beaten breast cancer and can advise me, as well.

Which is great, since breast cancer is a battle, and Proverbs 24:6 tells us, “Only with sound guidance should you wage war, and victory lies in a multitude of counselors.”

But if you are facing a cancer diagnosis and don’t have any family or friends who’ve undergone treatment before you and you have concerns that aren’t addressed in any pre-printed brochures, then by all means, talk to your doctor about those concerns and don’t be afraid to ask her to break down anything in her answer that you don’t understand.

Next in my CANCER acrostic is N for

Notifying Loved Ones

I didn’t tell my kids when I first found the lump in my lymph node, because I didn’t want to upset them unnecessarily. I have a couple of daughters who are especially prone to worry and anxiety, and I didn’t want to add this concern to their already full plates.

But once we knew a little more about what we were dealing with, I had my husband send out word via our family chat, so that everyone would be praying for me as I went in for procedures.

And, just as expected, the news upset many of them more than it did me. Which is often the case. In many ways, it’s easier to deal with a health crisis yourself than to watch someone you love struggle with it.

Yet all the prayers and the outpouring of love and support I received after sharing the news with family and friends and podcast listeners and newsletter subscribers has been such a blessing to me and something I deeply appreciate. So thank you for that.

Next up is the second C in CANCER, which stands for

Coordinating Medical Appointments

It looks like there will likely be a lot of back-and-forth to the hospital in the coming months, so be prepared for that. Be prepared to clear your calendar – or at least shift things around a bit — to accommodate whatever treatment plan you decide on.

I ended up spending three consecutive afternoons at the medical center last week – and that was just for diagnostic procedures.

By the way, I was really dreading the needle biopsies, but they really weren’t that bad or even very painful. They caused a little bruising, but that’s to be expected. Really, the thing that has been most bothersome is not the tiny little incision sites or the resultant tenderness, but two little places on my skin where the gauze tape irritated it. That burns a little bit, but I was pleasantly surprised by how little pain I felt during or after the procedure.

My doctor biopsied the lymph node using ultrasound, but ended up having to use mammography to biopsy the actual breast tumor, since it was too small to find any other way. The care team even volunteered to skip lunch in order to squeeze me in – literally and figuratively – so that I wouldn’t have to wait until January 8 for the next available appointment, which was such a merciful kindness that it started the tears flowing again.

Right now, I’m in the hurry-up-and-wait stage. Results from one of those biopsies just came in this morning. I’m still waiting on the breast biopsy, but the lymph node biopsy indicates I have invasive ductile carcinoma, which my doctor thinks is slow-growing and should be very responsive to therapy.

So now I’m waiting on an MRI to see if anything has spread beyond my lymph nodes, and it will be another week or so before we get any results back from the DNA testing. I’m not sure what comes next after that, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come through it. There’s no use worrying about it today.

In fact, I would be disobeying a direct command if I gave into worry, as Jesus tells us flat out in Matthew 6:34,

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matt. 6:34)

Which brings me to the E in my CANCER acrostic, which stands for

Entrusting My Future to God

He is the blessed controller of all things. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but He does and He’s promised to walk with me through it, which is all I need to know to have the peace that transcends all understanding, as described in Philippians 4:7.

One of my listeners sent me a recommendation last week for a book called Suffering by Paul David Tripp, which I bought and started reading immediately.  Something he wrote in the first or second chapter really resonated with me:  He noted that “Suffering has the power to expose what you have been trusting all along. If you lose your hope when your physical body fails, maybe your hope wasn’t really in your Savior after all.”

Well, just for the record, I haven’t lost hope. Not one bit. Jesus is my Rock, and my feet are firmly rooted in Him.

As Elisha Hoffman wrote in one of our family’s favorite hymns,

What have I to dread, what have I to fear,
Leaning on the everlasting arms?
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Leaning, leaning,
Safe and secure from all alarms;
Leaning, leaning,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Or, another hymn that has been a comfort to us through many a dark time has been “How Firm a Foundation.” I especially love the last two verses:

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not harm thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

“The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”

The point is, whether cancer is a just a small blip on the screen of a long and productive life or it’s the door I must walk through to reach eternity, I know God recorded in His book the days that were ordained for me before any of them came into being, as we’re told in Psalm 139:16. The same goes for the good works He prepared in advance for me to do, as noted in Ephesians 2:10.

Which means, as I keep assuring my children, we needn’t worry that I’ll be taken before my time. As long as God has important work for me to do on this earth, He is fully capable of preserving my life so that I can accomplish it. And once that work is complete? Then He will take me home, but not a minute before.  

The same is true for all who put their hope and trust in Christ Jesus, which I hope and pray is your testimony too.

Last but not least, the R in CANCER stands for…

Resting | Recuperating | Redeeming the Time

Recuperating is a necessary step whenever you face illness of any kind. But those other two Rs, Resting and Redeeming the Time, can sometimes feel at odds, and a CANCER diagnosis has a good way of reminding you to strike a balance between the two.

On the one hand, we have verses like Psalm 90:12,

 “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.”

On the other hand, we ​have ​Psalm ​1:27:2 ​which ​tells ​us, ​

"It ​is ​vain ​for ​you ​to ​rise ​up ​early, ​to ​stay ​up ​late, ​to ​eat ​the ​bread ​of ​painful ​labors, ​for ​He ​gives ​to ​His ​beloved ​even ​in ​his ​sleep."

We ​do ​want ​to ​use ​our ​time ​wisely ​and ​to ​redeem ​the ​time ​that ​we ​have ​left ​on ​this ​earth, ​but ​we ​don’t ​want ​to ​do ​it ​at ​the ​expense ​of ​our ​health ​and ​well ​being. ​

God ​gave ​a ​season ​for ​everything, ​a ​season ​for ​work ​and ​a ​season ​for ​rest. ​He ​commands ​us ​to ​rest, ​to ​remember ​the ​Sabbath, ​to ​keep ​it ​holy. ​He ​rested ​from ​his ​labor ​not ​because ​He ​needed ​it, ​but ​because ​He ​was ​setting ​an ​example ​for ​us. ​

And ​so ​that ​is ​what ​I’m ​trying ​to ​do ​myself ​right ​now ​as ​we ​celebrate ​again ​the ​fact ​that ​Jesus ​came ​and ​paid ​the ​price ​for ​us ​so ​that ​we ​could ​enter ​into ​His ​eternal ​rest ​in ​heaven ​with ​Him. ​

And ​I ​pray ​as ​we ​celebrate ​Christmas ​this ​week ​that ​you ​will ​receive ​that ​gift ​of ​faith ​and ​forgiveness ​and ​salvation ​from ​the ​hand ​of ​a ​good ​Father, if ​you ​haven’t ​already ​done ​so. ​

Have ​a ​very ​Merry ​Christmas, ​and ​I’ll ​talk ​to ​you ​again ​next ​week.