EP 93: A Wedding Anniversary with Many Happy Returns

There is no coasting in marriage. You’re either growing closer together or drifting further apart. You must be intentional about nurturing your relationship to your spouse every chance you get. That way, you’re next wedding anniversary will be wonderful — followed by many happy returns.

A Wedding Anniversary with Many Happy Returns

Complete transcript from Episode 93

Hello, Friend. Welcome to Ep. 93 of Loving Life at Home. This week’s episode is going to be a short one. My husband Doug and I are in California this week with our two youngest children enjoying the last few days of summer break at Big Bear Lake.

My mother- and father-in-law drove over from New Mexico to meet us, and we’ve spent the past few days sightseeing with them in the afternoons, working jigsaw puzzles in the evening, and playing pickleball in the early mornings while Grandma and Grandpa sleep in.

My in-laws celebrated 63 years of marriage in June, and it is always such a blessing to see how kind and respectful they are toward one another. Dad’s tender, loving care for his wife amid her myriad and lifelong health problems is truly inspiring, and it makes me grateful that my own dear husband has had — and followed — his wonderful example in this area.

Doug and I will be celebrating our own wedding anniversary later this week – 38 years – so you might say this little trip to California is an early celebration of that.

One of our longest standing anniversary traditions has been my decorating my husband’s car for the day. When we married, we left the church in a rented, unmarked limo that had a strict “no shoe polish” policy. So I’ve been making up for it ever since by or taping posters and balloons to my husband’s tailgate or painting his car windows with sayings such as: “Married 10 years and more in love than ever.” Or “17 years of marriage and my wife still adores me” or “We’ve been living happily ever for 26 years” or “Every day with you, dear, is sweeter than the day before” or “Just married 38 years and the honeymoon’s STILL not over!

That’s what I’ll likely put on his car this year, because that’s exactly how we both feel. Most folks probably don’t realize a honeymoon can last nearly four decades, but ours has. Of course, it rarely ever happens unless you work at it.

That’s because there is no coasting in marriage. You’re either growing closer together or drifting further apart. So be intentional about investing in your marriage and nurturing your relationship to your spouse every chance you get.

Back when we celebrated our silver anniversary, I wrote a blog post entitled 25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband – one for each year of marriage we had experienced thus far.

Interestingly, that post began as a list of reminders to myself. I started compiling the list because, during that particular season of our marriage, it seemed to me as if every time I turned around, my husband was interpreting something I said or did as being disrespectful, even though I truly felt no disrespect in my heart.

I think it was just one of those women-from-venus, men-from-mars situations where we just weren’t on the same wavelength at the time. But I wanted to be. So I did exactly what I’ve learned to do in other difficult situations over the years – I started paying closer attention and taking lots of notes!

And whenever I unexpectedly hit on something that made my husband feel disrespected, I wrote it down and purposed to stop doing whatever that thing was. And whenever I did or said something that really resonated with him and communicated respect in a way that seemed especially meaningful to him, I made note of that, too, so I could repeat such behavior as a way to encourage and build my husband up.

Over time, as I observed how effectively my little list helped me express more clearly the respect I felt in my heart for my husband, and how positively he responded to my intentionality in this area, the more excited I became about sharing my findings with other interested wives.

So I eventually published the list on my blog, Loving Life at Home, and was astounded by the immediate response it received. Some people loved what I’d written and credited it with saving their marriage. Other folks absolutely hated the post and accused me of setting women back 100 years. Either way, that single blog post took my humble little blog from getting 40-50 visitors to 40-50 thousand visitors a day.

I eventually expanded the blog post into a book by the same name, then used it as the basis for a free 30-day email challenge, and most recently – as of two weeks ago – I released it as an audiobook.

My husband ended up writing a companion post, then book, then email challenge, and is presently recording the audiobook, as well, called 25 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife. (I’ll be certain to provide links for all those resources in today’s show notes.)

I recently heard from a wife named Heather who was going through my 30-Day Respect Challenge at the time. She writes,

Now, isn’t that a wonderful idea? I know from experience that my husband responds enthusiastically to flirty, loving, and encouraging notes from me, as well, though I’ve never been as faithful about sending them as Heather is being.  I love those daily themes she has worked out, don’t you?

Often, just having a written plan of action as to what you want to do helps immensely with follow-through.

Then the fact that her normally reserved husband is so happy to see her when he comes home from work that he thanks her for the notes and kisses her – twice! – just serves to reinforce her resolve to keep investing in her marriage in this way.

It’s a win-win, and something I’m going to try to do more of for my own sweet husband – maybe by just being more intentional about texting him during the day while he’s at work. That would be a very simple way of investing in my own marriage and of living out Romans 12:10, which tells believers to “outdo one another in showing honor.”

I’d encourage you to spend some time brainstorming ways to love and honor your husband, just like Heather has done. Is there more you could be doing to build him up and nurture your relationship?

Consider this episode your reminder to give it a try. I pray your efforts will lead to lots of wonderful shared moments together with your spouse as well as a stronger, happier marriage that withstands the test of time.