This week on the Loving Life at Home Podcast, we are talking about a topic that is vital to marriage: Respect. Here is how my husband spells RESPECT. There’s a good chance yours spells it the same way.
Today’s episode is taken from a blog post I wrote nearly ten years ago. You may read that original article in its entirety below the show notes.
- “Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the king.” – 1 Peter 2:7
- “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.” – Romans 12:10
- “The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise the wife also to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise the husband also does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” – 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
- “For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy….” – 2 Timothy 3:2
- “…He fell facedown at Jesus’ feet in thanksgiving to Him—and he was a Samaritan.” – Luke 17:16
- “Do not let any unwholesome speech come out of [our] mouths, but only what is good for building others up, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephesians 4:29
- “But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. “ – Colossians 3:8
- “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.” – Proverbs 21:19
- “When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, But he who restrains his lips is wise.” – Proverbs 10:19
- “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” – Philippians 4:6
- “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.” – Matthew 18:19-20
- “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things” – Philippians 4:8
- “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.” – Proverbs 12:24
- “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” – James 1:2-3
- “Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” – Matthew 5:11-12
- 31 Bible Verses to Pray over Your Husband – a pretty (and free) printable prayer guide
- Praying for Your Husband from Head to Toe – another free printable prayer guide
- EP 12: Are You Married to a Problem Solver? – if so, this episode will help you understand and appreciate how your husband’s brain is wired
- 30-Day Respect Challenge – nurture you marriage with this free email series
- Love Your Husband/ Love Yourself – details all the blessings we reap by embracing God’s purpose for passion in marriage
- 25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband – a companion book to 25 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife
How Does Your Husband Spell Respect?
Every man craves respect. I think that deep desire to be well-esteemed by family, friends, and foe alike is hardwired into the Y-chromosome. The vast majority of men value respect even over love.
One of the most powerful things you can do to build up your man and strengthen your marriage is to shower your husband with the respect and admiration he so longs for.
The details may differ from family to family, but the underlining principles remain the same. Here’s how my husband spells respect. And there’s a good chance yours spells it this way, too:
R = Respond Physically
Of all your husband’s needs, this is the one that only you can legitimately address. If you pour all your energies into being a good wife in every other way, but marginalize or neglect the area of physical intimacy, then you have failed.
God designed this one-flesh union to be uniquely characteristic of marriage. Your husband will never feel completely respected as long as you habitually turn him down or slap him away when he tries to get physically close.
E = Express Sincere Thanks
Be grateful for the many things — big and little — your husband does for you, and thank him every time. Show him that you appreciate him in whatever way speaks most clearly to him.
Don’t take your husband for granted and don’t saddle him with expectations. Expectations lead only to discontent. If your husband preforms well, he’ll get no special acknowledgement or show of gratitude, because he was only doing what you expected. If he doesn’t, you’ll feel slighted and angry, and he won’t know why.
S = Silence Can Be Golden
“If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” I’m not advocating giving your husband a cold shoulder, but neither should you give him a piece of your mind. Sometimes it’s better to just keep your mouth shut.
The ability to hold our tongue is an underutilized skill for many of us. Yet, the Bible tells us we should “not let any unwholesome speech come out of [our] mouths, but only what is good for building others up, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29)
So next time you are tempted to nag, argue, gripe, or belittle, keep these verses in mind: Proverbs 21:19, Philippians 4:8, Colossians 3:8
“Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid.” – Harlan Miller
P = Pray with and for Him
Prayer is key to a strong marriage. Don’t wait until your marriage is in trouble to pray. By faithfully bringing your husband to the Throne of Grace — even when things are going well — you can head off a lot of problems before they ever arise.
Don’t just stop at praying for your husband. If he is willing, make it a daily habit to pray with him, as well. Couples who regularly pray together are far less likely to divorce.
E = Emphasize His Good Points
Just as you would rather he dwell on your most praiseworthy attributes than to focus his attention on all your flaws, your husband will also feel better loved and respected when you are expressing admiration instead of fault-finding and nit-picking.
Focus your attention on those traits that first attracted you to your husband. Emphasize his most noble features.
If you will make your default attitude one of warm approval and respect, then on the rare occasion you do need to discuss a concern, your husband will be far more likely to take it to heart.
C = Choose Joy
What does being joyful have to do with communicating respect?
More than you might think!
A smiling, jovial wife announces to the world, “My husband knows how to make me happy!” But a sour, malcontent wife broadcasts the opposite message. A wife who shames her husband “is as rottenness in his bones.” (Proverbs 12:24)
Choose to cultivate a happy, joyful attitude, regardless of your circumstances. In fact, the Bible tells us we should rejoice, even in the midst of trials and tribulations, knowing that God uses difficult circumstances to teach us patience, to build our endurance, and to mold us into the character of Christ. (James 1:2-3; Matthew 5:11-12)
T = Take His Advice
Undoubtedly you’ve already noticed that your husband tends to look at things differently than you. His unique perspective, together with the way most men’s brains are wired for problem solving, offers you a unique opportunity to get “outside the box” when looking at problems or challenges.
Listen to your husband. Hear what he is saying to you. Don’t get defensive or discount his opinion, but try to see things from his perspective and honor his wishes. God will greatly bless you when you do.
Need some practice to help this all sink in? Then sign up for my 30-Day Respect Challenge. You’ll receive helpful tips and reminders delivered straight to your inbox, every day for a month.
Give your husband something he will really appreciate. Give him RESPECT! And if you really want to get specific, ask him how he’d like you to spell it.