Still Honeymooning… Three Decades Later
Last month, my husband and I took a weekend trip to Orlando, Florida. We were there to attend a bloggers’ convention. And we went all by ourselves. Just the two of us. Completely alone.
This was the first vacation we’ve taken without children in 31 years. Unless you count one overnight marriage retreat where -– ironically — we were assigned to separate, gender-segregated dorms. We’ve always had at least one child tagging along with us on every get-away. More often than not, we have half a dozen or more.
The last time we took a completely unchaperoned vacation was on our honeymoon. Which, as it happens, we also spent in Orlando. So this past weekend felt a little like traveling back in time, in more ways than one.
Three decades later… still honeymooning
First of all, my sister cross-stitched the sweetest little “Just Married” badges for us to wear on our original trip. We hang those things on our Christmas tree as keepsake ornaments every year. Which means I knew exactly where to find them for our return flight.
I added a hand-painted ribbon that read “31 years” under each badge. Then I proudly affixed one to my own blouse and pinned the matching button on my husband’s shirt before we headed to DFW.
Doug wore that dainty badge through two crowded airports and aboard both our flights, responding graciously to all the congratulatory comments and curious questions of flight attendants and fellow travelers who wanted to know more about his ornately festooned lapel. That’s just one more reason I love my sweet husband: He’s such a good sport!
Back to our roots
The second way this trip reminded me of the first was that we did without a car in Orlando both times we visited. Although the honeymoon package we bought included a rental car, neither of us was allowed to drive it. Doug had a valid driver’s license but wasn’t old enough. I was of age but had let my license expire. (Why renew in April when I’d have to change it again after the wedding in August?). So we ended up taking a shuttle to our hotel. And we ate the majority of our honeymoon meals at a Denny’s across the parking lot.
It was memorable.
This time around, we used a taxi/Uber to get back and forth from the airport. But otherwise, we stuck fairly close to our hotel again. Although we never spotted a Denny’s (and therefore had to forgo the Grand Slam breakfasts we enjoyed before), we took all our meals on the premises. And we never ventured out further than our own feet would carry us.
There was a third way this trip reminded us of our former visit. My dear father, bless his heart, volunteered to drive us to the airport for our honeymoon trip. When he swerved across five lanes of busy traffic and jumped a median to get us to our gate on time, Doug and I gripped our seats and watched our lives flash before our eyes.
A harrowing ride
We’re a little older now. And it takes a little longer to mentally review the whole of our existence. But we experienced a similar feeling this trip, too. Only it wasn’t the driver doing the swerving — it was a deer.
A big buck darted right in front of Doug’s truck on Loop 49 as we were driving home from DFW late Sunday night. By God’s merciful grace, we survived the collision unscathed. Though the truck and the deer did not fare so well.
If I’m honest, I have to admit that being separated from our children left me feeling unsettled all weekend. But the accident on the way home cemented my resolve not to make a habit of leaving them behind.
I firmly believe that every married couple needs to regularly spend time together apart from their kids. But you don’t have to fly halfway across the country to get it. If you’re intentional about it, a good lock on the bedroom door works just as well.
[For a list of “date night” ideas you can enjoy without leaving home, follow this link.]
That strategy has kept our marriage strong for 31 years now.
If my husband and I don’t get another weekend away without children until the last is grown and gone, that’s fine by me. I won’t feel like I’m missing out at all. Not as long as I can throw that latch and get a daily dose of his undivided attention at home. 🙂
I love this…my husband and I have been married 10 years in January …we married later ..so he is in his early 40s and I am in my late 30s . We have a 2 and 5 year old whom i cherish and feel so blessed to have been chosen as their mom. I found this article encouraging as in our society I feel a lot of pressure to have “travel time” and “get away from your kids time” and I do agree that every couple needs alone and down time…we have a nightly date after bed time with our favorite TV show and making a point to go to bed at same time when possible. Friends can’t believe we have never (except for delivery of our 2nd) spent a night away from our kiddos. Yes an adult tropical vacation sounds amazing…but at this time in life we choose to have the kiddos come along or not go. Thanks for your post.
My husband and I have “nightly dates” and make a point of going to bed at the same time every evening, too, Bekki. That habit was more than enough to keep us close and communicating during the seasons of life when we had very small children and very little money for fancy dates or get-away vacations. Now that our kids are older and finances aren’t as tight, we could now go out/away much more frequently — but the schedule we’ve maintained for the past 30+ years has worked so well that we seldom feel the need to do so.
I love this posting and started reading the books you posted. I already read the first book on the list. Thank you for making this post!
Hello Jennifer,
I have been enjoying reading your posts about marriage and family. I am 28 and have a 3 yr old and a 7 month old. I have been married for 3yr +9 months. Hahaha.
I’m insired by your love for God and learning how to live out your faith by serving your family and husband contrary to popular culture, by devoting your life to being a stay at home mom. I, also, am trying to do this.
I liked your cute post about your recent trip and the cute button pins you took with you. Your husband is a good sport. Haha
On topic of your time with your husband, does he ever feel the loss of alone time as a couple from having babies and children? Does this take a toll on your marriage? How do you and him cope with this?
I feel a conflicting desire to have more children and a having more bonding time with my husband and growing our relationship. Could you tell me how your husband has grown closer through the years as you have added more babies? I don’t think these things are directly opposed but want to know how to better guide it. Thank you.
I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed my posts and my books, Breanna, and wish you many long and joyous years of marriage with your husband of 45 months!
As for whether my husband feels he is missing out on alone time, I’ve tried very hard during our 30+ years together to prioritize time with him so that he won’t feel marginalized. Especially as a homeschooling mom, it would be easy to pour so much energy into my children that I’d little left to offer him at the end of the day. But God convicted me early in our marriage that neglecting my husband would not be in anybody’s best interest — his, mine, or our kids’.
So we’ve always set aside time to spend alone together, apart from the kids, each and every day.
When our children were younger, we’d do this after they were in bed for the night. Now that they are older and frequently stay up later than we do, we just retreat to our bedroom after dinner and story time and let them know not to disturb us unless it’s an emergency. We are living proof that it is definitely possible to have a lot of children in your home and still enjoy a close relationship (and an active sex life) with your spouse.