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Emphasizing Your Husband’s Good Points

fill your head with positive thoughts...Pop quiz: Which would you prefer?

(a) That your husband focus his thoughts on your loveliest, most noble and praiseworthy characteristics?

(b) That he ignore your good points completely and concentrate instead on your most annoying and bothersome flaws?

Then do for him as you’d have him do for you….

  • What attracted you to your husband in the first place?
  • Express verbal admiration for those things.
  • In what areas has he grown and matured since you met?
  • Let him know you’ve noticed and appreciate the progress.
  • What things would you miss most if he were gone?
  • Thank him for everything he does for you and your family.
  • Never take him for granted. Live each day as if it were your last.

Dwelling on the positive isn’t so hard, especially when you consider that even negative behaviors can sometimes stem from positive traits. Trace them back to their source.

Case in point: When we were first married, it often bothered me that my husband would make what I considered frivolous and impulsive purchases (back then, it was sodas and candy at the corner gas station, later it would be new cars and cutting-edge technologies).

But I eventually came to realize that my husband’s spending habits go hand-in-hand with his giving habits: figuratively, since he views money as a tool, not as a treasure to be clutched or loved or horded; but also literally, because he usually gives away to some grateful person in need whatever good-as-new thing he is upgrading or replacing.

That lavish generosity, that willingness to share God’s blessings with those around him, that ability to give cheerfully, hilariously even, is something very good indeed. It is one of the traits I admire and appreciate most about my husband. And now I am reminded of that fact every time he buys something I think he shouldn’t.

It’s okay for us to be different. His strengths are not my strengths, and vice versa. Much of this is by design, as God intends for man and woman to complement one another. Different is not necessarily bad. It is just… different.

Emphasize your husband's good points....So don’t focus on the areas where you are strong, but your husband is weak – areas where, in your opinion, perhaps he doesn’t quite measure up.

That focus will lead only to contempt, bitterness, and resentment, which will deal a deathblow to your love and intimacy, if not to your marriage itself. Think instead on the areas where you are weak but your husband is strong, areas where he complements and completes you.

Is your husband flawed? Certainly. He is a sinner. (In the words of Elizabeth Elliot, “There isn’t anything else to marry!”)

But beyond praying for him, that fact cannot — it must not — be your focus.

So look for the good in your spouse. Search for it as you would search for buried treasure. And keep those traits at the forefront of your mind.

If focusing on the positive has been a struggle for you in the past, pray that God will help you see your husband with new eyes.

Praise and admire your spouse verbally and often. Are you glad God brought him into your life? Tell him so! Would you feel you were missing out without him? Let him know it!

Emphasize his good points in your thoughts and in your speech, and you will see more of the same flourish in his character, his life, and his manner.


25 Ways - Book of the Year Award WinnerThis post is excerpted from my book, 25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband, winner of CSPA’s 2014 “Book of the Year” Award!

Available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and through fine booksellers everywhere.

Love in Action

"Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas."Can you believe it? Another Christmas come and (very nearly) gone! Ours ended up being white this year — a surprising and delightful rarity here in Texas.

When you take down your tree and lights and stockings over the next few days, I hope you’ll be mindful not to pack away your Christmas spirit along with the decorations. As noted in the poem “Let Every Day Be Christmas,” that peace-on-earth-good-will-toward-men attitude is something we should carry in our hearts all year through:

Christmas is forever,
not for just one day,
for loving, sharing, giving,
are not to put away
like bells and lights and tinsel,
in some box upon a shelf.
The good you do for others
is good you do yourself.

So I pray that the remainder of your Christmas, plus all the days that follow, will be characterized by love and joy and giving. And may “God bless us, every one!”

They Won’t Know It Till You Show It


Best wishes for a happy Thanksgiving, from my home to yours…. As you count your blessings today, take time to tell those living, breathing blessings in your life how much you appreciate them!

Our Starting Point

Prayer Works | Loving Life at Home“Prayer works. Prayer is work. Prayer leads to work.” This is a quote I copied, without attribution, into the back of my Bible some thirty-plus years ago.

I know that the operative word here is prayer, but I sometimes act as if the most important word were work.

Have you ever been guilty of that?

When your list of pressing chores is especially long, are you inclined to spend more time on your knees — or less? Do you view prayer as leisurely pastime or a life-preserving necessity?

James 5:16 tells us, “The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”

Prayer should be so much more than a brief benediction we utter before setting our shoulder to the wheel.

Prayer works. Prayer itself is work. And prayer has the power to make all the work that follows more focused and productive.

Martin Luther understood this fact, which is why he once wrote, “I have so much to do today, I must spend the first three hours in prayer.”

Whether intuitively or experientially, Luther knew that the longer his “to do” list, the more desperately he needed the wisdom, blessing, and empowering of God.

Shouldn’t prayer be our starting point, as well?

Our Daily Lifeline

"If you only pray when you're in trouble, you're in trouble." | Loving Life at HomeAs fitting and appropriate as it is to call upon God from the foxhole, prayer should really be our first and natural response in all of life’s circumstances.

  • When awed by His works, we should praise Him.
  • When struck by His greatness, we should worship Him.
  • When encumbered by doubts, we should trust in Him.
  • When ensnared by sin, we should confess to Him.
  • When weary and careworn, we should lean on Him.
  • When wisdom is needed, we should ask of Him.
  • When brimming with joy, we should sing to Him.
  • When weighed down with grief, we should cling to Him.
  • When honored, we should magnify Him.
  • When humbled, we should hide in Him.
  • When burdened for the lost — as we all need to be — we should plead for His unfailing mercy.
  • When blessed beyond measure — as each of us are — we should thank Him for His unmerited grace.

An attitude of constant prayer is a distinguishing mark of the mature Christian, which is why we are commanded to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thess. 5:17). I don’t know who said it, but it is definitely true: “If you only pray when you’re in trouble, you’re in trouble.”

A Good Reminder

Pray Hardest When It Is Hardest to Pray | Loving Life at HomePray hardest when it’s hardest to pray? I don’t think this means we should pray hardest when we’re in the most trouble.

Most of us find it pretty easy to pray when we need God to get us out of a tight spot.

For me, this quote means that I need to pray hardest when I’m . . .

. . . exhausted
. . . excited
. . . angry
. . . anxious
. . . annoyed
. . . busy
. . . behind
. . . distracted.

When is it hardest for you to pray? Let’s work harder at remembering at that moment to pray for God’s strength, comfort, wisdom, and grace.